Garnetts Homemade Beer

1. Oh the year was nineteen seventy-eight,

(How I wish I'd never tried it now,)

When a score of men were turned quite green

By the scummiest ale you've ever seen

Chorus:

God damn them all,

I was told this beer was worth its weight in gold

We'd feel no pain, shed no tears,

But it's a foolish man who shows no fear

At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer.

2. Now Garnett Rogers cried the town

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

For 20 brave men all masochists who

Would taste for him his homemade brew.

3. This motley crew were a sickening sight

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

There was caveman Dave with his eyes in bags

He'd a hard-boiled liver and the staggers and jags.

4. We hadn't been there but an hour or two

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

When a voice said "Give me some homemade brew"

As steeleyed Stan hove into view.

5. Now steeleyed Stand was a frightening man

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

He was eight foot tall and four foot wide

Said "pass that jug or I'll tan your hide.

6. Stan took one sip and pitched on his side

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

Garnett was smashed with a cupful of drugs

And his breath set fire to both me legs.

7. Now here I am with my 23rd beer

(how I wish I'd never tried it now,)

It's six long years since I felt this way

On the night before my wedding day.