Straightening Up The House

Sometimes getting the house ready for Mom & Dad's visit requires

more than a dust rag and some Pledge...)

Today I took the nudes down off the wall

Ten minutes after I received her telephone call

She'll be here Friday morning so there's not much time to clean

Better hide the Advocate and Mandate magazine

We'll redecorate the guest room so it looks like it's been used

Separate our wardrobes or she'll really be confused

Then get ready for a lonely week of sleeping on the couch

We're straightening up the house

Tomorrow I will put away your gay pride shirts

And our Halloween assortment of jewelry, pumps and skirts

Then pack up all the books by Quentin Crisp and Rita Mae

And the "His & His" towels that you bought me yesterday

And you'd better hide the albums by that lesbian group

She has no ear for music, but she has been known to snoop

And remember not to kiss me, just forget that you're my spouse

Straightening up the house

The snapshots of the two of us in Spain will have to go

Don't tell me this is totally insane, because I know

And I cannot wear the wristwatch with our names engraved in gold

The one that says "I love you, John, with all my heart and soul"

This is our first Christmas here in our new home

In a hostile world, it's our only safety zone

I never should have promised I'd continue with this lie

But Dad was so certain if she found out she would die

But if it's killing anyone I think it's killing me

'Cause it tears me up inside to hide my true identity

And asking you to help me makes me feel like such a louse

I'm thirty-two years old, why am I acting like a mouse?

I'm a man and he's my lover

If she freaks out she'll recover

C'mon and help me to just CLEAN the house