Steps 2

Ian:

I took a ride to the upper-middle class side of the city

A double deck bus to suburbia street

Leaves blew through the trees, a money breeze blowing down suburbia street

I walked cobblestone steps

I never walked cobblestone steps before

I remember your father answering the door

And he said "Oh! Hello, how are ya? Monica said you'd be coming over.

You look like a nice, Jewish boy. Oh, Monica. She's Glasgow's answer to Barbra

Streisand! That's right, she's headed straight for the top, definitely. You know why?

She gets all her talent from her Daddy. Yeah, well you know, I used to be

in the show biz once. I was the funniest man in the west of Western Scotland.

Oh, you ever hear my act about the Jewish Irish law firm? Schmendricks,

Schmeggegy, Schlamiel, and Schmoreilly?"

And he laughed. And I laughed…even though I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

And there was a wee pause as he stood there, looking me up and

down, obviously sensing my mass of sexual charisma and charm. Before he says,

"Oh, don't stand there like a lochs hen sugar, come in boychik.

Our wee superstar's upstairs, first door on the left.

I walked up the stairs

I've never walked up such elegant stairs before

As I knocked on your pink painted door

Monica:

So? Do you have the song?

Ian:

No

Monica:

What?!

Ian:

Yes, just kidding

Monica:

Wanker!

Ian:

Listen from the beginning

Monica:

Oh, it's good!

It's a winner

Do you want to stay for dinner?

Ian:

Whatcha having?

Monica:

Friday night feast

Four hundred and forty-six courses, at least

Ian:

That's good, I'm starving

Monica:

Now could you turn around please?

While I put on my Friday night dress?