Social Media: The Unverified Rusical

Ladies and gentlemen, trollers and scrollers

Tonight is all about you and the living hell you've created!

I know what you're thinking

Has she always been this bitter?

Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

Oops, I just got canceled!

Log in, sign on with your e-mail

Log in, sign on, you'll feel swell

In this new day, more world decay

Is just one-a click away

Our cautionary tale begins innocently enough at Tuckahoe University

As computer genius Markie Tuckenberg works late into the night

Foxy, I did it!

I invented a new social network

And I'm calling it

Fistbook!

Fistbook? Markie, do you еven know what that means?

Ew! Nevеrmind

Hold up!

What if we used this social network

To connect people around the world?

I guess I could collect all their personal data

We'll call it Face, Face, Facelook!

You know, that might just work!

Ice Bucket Challenges, posts of me planking

Sending a cat meme to get the world laughing

Avocados looking fancy on toast

Everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post!

(Oh ho ho ho!)

Gold or blue, what color's that dress?

YOLO, who cares when your hashtag is blessed?

Rickrolling, twerking, I'm not one to boast

But everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post!

And now I'm rolling in dough

In dough!

I own one hundred percent of this social platform!

Oh my God, I'm a freakin' tech genius!

Foxy, cover up!

But one platform wasn't enough for you hungry little hippos

Was it?

Heart!

Livestream!

Tweet!

Resume cha-cha-cha)

Heart!

Livestream!

Tweet!

Resume (cha-cha-cha)

(Heart! Livestream! Tweet! Resume, cha-cha-cha)

She uses her vanity to take away your sanity

(Heart! Livestream! Tweet!)

May I present

Miss InstaGlam!

(I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life)

I'm your favorite app 'cause I make you look good

Double-tappin' my thirst traps like I knew you would

In my Stories, on my grid, you can ogle all day

Makin' you an Insta-star, get rich the Insta-way!

Do it for the glam, post to your feed

Do it for the glam, post to your Stories

Glam it! (Glam it)

Glam it! (Glam it)

I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life

Do it for the glam

Okay, Lady Tweets, you're next!

Keep it brief

I am the perfect medium for modern intellectuals

Comedians, celebrities, and the political

Even 45, the orange one, used me

To post posts most diabolical

Is that all you've got to say?

Whatever's trending on me is not merely allegorical

But algorithms programmed through means mathematical

Hashtags and the at-symbol make this world more radical

You can go to bed happy and then wake up and you're canc-icaled

(One more time!)

Faster!

I swear to God, if you make me sing another syllable

I'll gladly come down there and I will punch you in the clavicle

I said my piece already, and frankly, I was exceptional!

Now mind your own damn business, you bossy homosexual

(Oh! Oh my God! Oh, girl)

And now, the boss bitch herself!

The Reverend Dr. Mrs. Linked-All-The-Way-In

You go, girl!

(Watch me work, work, baby!)

You want a side hustle? (Go!)

Flex your work muscle (huh!)

You wanna get hired, wanna be desired?

Upload your res, sis (Hey!)

Tell 'em your skills, sis (huh!)

Just come to me, sis

I'm a profesh, sis!

Show 'em you're the boss

For a manager at Ross

They wanna interview ya

Make 'em all pursue ya

Keep on gettin' hired

And hired and hired and hired and hired! (Ooh!)

I'm a profesh, sis!

Time to get disruptive with Miss TokTik

(Just 15 seconds to save the Earth)

Tok-tik, tok-tik, tok-tik

(Just 15 seconds to save the Earth)

Boomers, OK, this ain't for y'all

Millennials, your reign's about to fall

Gen Z is ready to play ball

We're taking over

(We're the lone stars)

Just let us be us

(This new world of sounds)

Dancing for social justice

We're the full Gen

(15 seconds to save the Earth)

Don't-play-by-the-rules Gen

(15 seconds to save the Earth)

Resetting-your-clock Gen

(15 seconds to save the Earth)

We're the Z Gen

What are you kids doing in there?

Ugh, Mom, leave us alone!

Ladies, excuse me!

I've got a bone to pick with you

And it's a big bone!

I've had my account suspended by every one of you

Why?

(Um, you show too much skin!)

What ever happened to sex positivity?

Free the nipple!

Don't say what I can post, you know I'm stunning!

All people want sex, not body shunning!

So just cancel your plans to troll on my crusade!

I gotta post pics, gotta flaunt my tits

Watch me do the splits, like, sis!

Hey, life's online and I'm lookin' fly

And I've gotta get those likes, sis

I'm free to post and be me!

Get laid, blow shade, and spill tea

My assets make you go: Wow

Boys see my thot shots

And pow! (And pow!)

Yo, Mrs. Tuckenberg, what do you think of me now?

Sorry, Foxy, but you're banned forever!

(Ooh! Bye-bye!)

Hello, darlings, I'm Natasha, this is Nikita

But you can call us Click and Bait

Mother Russia, my cold heart is true

We'll make you so proud

Putin' a fix on the red, white, and blue

We want to ruin USA

It's easy to do in USA

Oh, so naïve in USA

This will be Putin's USA!

Information laundering's fun

Photoshop pics to fool everyone

Spreading conspiracies daily

Like Democrats hate Israelis!

I got a cute name, it's QAnon!

These gullible tyrants will be our pawns

Pizzagate has gone viral

Now we sit back and watch it spiral!

(Oo-woo-oo-ooh!)

We want to ruin USA

Divide and destroy USA

We're talking clicks in USA

All fools get tricked in USA!

Suddenly, the whole world is totally divided!

You're not woke!

Healthcare's a joke!

5G's a conspiracy!

Voting leads to tyranny!

Holy crap! My grandma's a racist?

(Ooh girl! No ma'am! Uh-huh)

Stop! You fools!

It wasn't always like this

Back in my day

Back in your day?

Didn't you know?

She used to be Friendster

Google it

I just can't face it!

What is it you can't face?

Let us all be Friendster

We can make it trend

Hand in hand together

Before I reach my end!

Oh, she's like, dead

It's 2006 all over again

The Internet was supposed to be a modern miracle

But look at us now!

Markie, do you remember why you started Face

Face, Facelook in the first place?

To collect everybody's personal data!

No, so the world could come together

Oh, right!

That'll never happen

Call me an old-fashioned, thick and juicy, sex-positive dreamer

But I know we can do better!

Do you see the people's posts?

Posting accurate things once again

These are the postings of a people who

Won't be duped again!

It's your responsibility

To weed (yeah)

Out (weed out)

The lies! (Weed out the lies)

Lies! Liza Minnelli lies!