Wallowing

Sometimes I feel crazy, like I lost half of my mind

Moving outta decline without a ladder to climb

And half of the time, I feel like I'm actually fine

Battling my personality's a habit of mine

I have it in line until I start to think

I zoned off so long I forgot to blink

'Til my hands go numb and I drop my drink

And the bath keeps fillin' while I start to sink

My heart just shrinks while I drown in the tub

Phone ringing, but I can't hear the sound of the buzz

Feeling like paradise after downing them drugs

I don't think it'll kill me, but I'm down if it does

And as I drown in the silence

The phone ringing by the sink starts sounding like a siren

Heard mama's voice saying, "This is real life shit

And boy, I didn't raise you to be nothing like this!

You better start fighting!

And if you can't swing them hands little man, then you better start biting!

You better start breathing!

You got a little brother -- he needs someone to look up to and to believe in!

You're too young to be leaving, and you and the man up above ain't even!

Pain and regret: I'm laying right between 'em

I had ten drinks and I still haven't eaten

Head keeps pounding, heart still beating

Water starts bubbling 'cause I start screaming

Climbed out the tub and I started dry heaving

Thinking that it's time that I slaughtered my demons, I

Let it sink in until the mood's gone

I'm done feeling hollow, I've been wallowing too long

How can I sit and not bother to move on?

When I got a dream and a father to prove wrong

I mean I gotta keep fighting this

I made it this far after all types of shit

Still haven't grown, haven't had a wife and kids

I mean I'm nineteen with a life to live

And sometimes it gets a lot harder than this

Think it's no good for you, but a part of it is

Don't agree? Please pardon me then

And Lord: Keep watching in case I fall off again