October Freewrite

I sit and play my organ to this carnival of souls

And I bare my paper heart to let the article unfold

It's harder to control I know I'm partial to indulge

So I drink and sink I think it brings a calmness to my skull

I watch it all unfold just to stitch it all together

Gettin' shivers from my mistress that delivered me a letter

Full of pain, full of hope and the increments of pleasure

It contains more of those then any instrument can measure

Yeah, feeling ugly in my skin

Weaving a tornado and then running from the wind

This habit of abandonment is something I resent

Cause it's tragic and it's cancerous it's functioning like death

I want to meet a mute just to kiss her on her honest lips

Use my withered hands and paint a picture of accomplishment

Mixture of the opposites insecure and confident

Uh, these are the symptoms of an optimist

Cause you can hang yourself for all I care

I don't mean that but I wish I did

I kissed your lips and I whispered isn't this intense

Every time the winter hits your relation-ship-wreck and I slit my wrists

Here's the falling snow

I don't know much except I know I don't know when it's time to go

I'm alone in my room missin' Mike again

Leviathan on my back so I have to write again

Second class citizen, epitaph chiseled in my neck and back

When I've been to hell and back visitin', right?

I fell in traps on the pilgrimage

Sellin' off to dodge when you left me for a bargain

Sometimes I drink till four AM

Am I self-destructive? I drink therefore I am

Magnetism like I know Descartes

On a sojourn for an owner of a lonely heart

We could be together, forever

On Noah's ark drifting where the souls depart

You could show me the contents

Napoleon complex could rip my bones apart

Look

I would bleed in the snow

And wait for the sun just to see what would grow

This is for the days I would sink in a hole

And every disconnected handshake received at a show

For every single girl that was scared to say she loved me

And everyone that did when she'd only want to fuck me

For every friend that I knew I'd never trust

All's quiet on the western front

I've been searching for a straw in a barrel full of needles

Too late to be original but scared to do a sequel

When the veins show they're varicose and feeble

From the fake hopes and pheromones they feed you

See, I don't like my skin today

I'll bite the hand that feeds till it bleeds and my lips decay

All these things I can't give away

So I think I'll just sit awake

(What's the point of dreaming anyway right?)

There's a monster on the inside clawin' at my skin

Beggin' me to let him out and calling me a friend

Telling me to have some fun, telling me to grab a gun

Saying it'll be a blast I know that he's acting up

But, if he doesn't quit soon

I'mma have to send him to his bedroom (click, boom)

You are nothing but another schizophrenic urge

Of givin' human properties without a sympathetic nervous system

Uh, I hope you get under control cause

I don't wanna get to know the devil on my shoulder

Rainbows are black

Angels are black

Fangs in my neck and your halo is cracked

Allergic to your skin so you make jokes and laugh

But you really want to leave I'm your scapegoat for that

And even though I know I'm barely turning twenty five

When there's no more bridges left I'll just burn myself alive

That's what I deserve

That's what I have earned

When I can't survive the ash and fire, blasphemize my words

Tell them that I wasn't very good in the first place

Don't believe the hype wake me up when it's October