The Alcohol Song

I've come out three times first as queer

And then as trans

Both times met with acceptance

And metaphorical clapping of hands

Third time was met

With disbelief an awkwardness so chronic

They thought I must be joking

When I said I'm an alcoholic

They said I was too young

As if there's an age limit for addiction

And they drink way more than me

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with them

I can't say that I agree

When our friendship's based on getting drunk

And sober conversation's a ship of silence

That can't be sunk

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy

And I drink when I'm sad

And I drink when life is going well

And when it turns out bad

I drink to remember

And I drink to forget

My mum said that if I carry on

I'll probably end up dead

I first realised there were problems

When I woke in a strangers bed

I didn't know where the fuck I was

And I couldn't feel my head

I lost most of my money

And I lost most of my clothes

And with that I found my pants

And took to the open road

I tried to call my friends

But none of them picked up

They were probably still out clubbing

Or probably just too drunk

So I called the one woman on whom I can rely

'Hi mum it's me I'm lost' I said

And then I began to cry

Look around what can you see she asked

And I could see big ben

And I found a train station

And promised this won't happen again

When I promised that I meant it

My drinking career would end

But it didn't stop me doing the exact same thing

That next weekend

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy

And I drink when I'm sad

And I drink when life is going well

And when it turns out bad

I drink to remember

And I drink to forget

My mum said that if I carry on

I'll probably end up dead

If you think it's not a problem

Then let me tell you this

I promised my best friend I'd stopped drinking

That same night I got pissed

I missed her exhibition

Because I was so hungover

It doesn't take a genius to work out

That friendship's over

When you wanna put down the bottle

But you've lost all the willpower

And you slip on the bathroom floor

And knock yrself out in the shower

And you try to kill yourself

'Cuz you're convinced you won't be missed

The next morning you realise you only felt

That way 'cuz you were pissed

When you're abusive towards yr friends

And abusive towards yr partner

And you wake up with no recollection

Of that behaviour after

If you've still got the audacity to tell me I'm okay

Then my friend stay the fuck outta my life

And stay the fuck outta my way

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy

And I drink when I'm sad

And I drink when life is going well

And when it turns out bad

I drink to remember

And I drink to forget

My mum said that if I carry on

I'll probably end up dead

'Cuz I drink when I'm happy

And I drink when I'm sad

And I drink when life is going well

And when it turns out bad

I drink to remember

And I drink to forget

And I know that if I carry on

I'll probably end up dead