I'm So Good That I Don't Have to Brag

Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire

Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag

Well I'm three parts tiger and one part snake

I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag

I need an adding machine to count up all the women I've ruined for other men

Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' fag

I can shift more gears and pump more juice I'll turn you every which way but loose

And I'm so damn good that I don't have to brag

Now there's twenty thirty beautiful women a sleepin' at the foot of my bed

And every night every night I hear 'em sighin'

They say that I don't miss a thing they say that I'm the lovin' king

And I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyin'

Now I've been makin' love professionally since I was only six years old

And I really learned the way to wiggly wag

And still I'm such a modest man you know I'm twice as great as I think I am

I'm so good that I don't have to brag

There's a line of chicks startin' at my window and reachin' across the street

And it stretches 'way to the other side of town

They come to me from across the seas on their knees just sayin' Please

And I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em down

Now I once got captured by some Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles

They were fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride

I had to kill them all and I will admit it and I won't tell you how I did it

But I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she died

Now the day I die every woman in the country's gonna go around dressed in black

And they'll probably add another star to the American flag

And they'll build me a monument forty feet high sayin' it's a shame he had to die

He was so damn good he never had to brag

And I'm tellin' you men keep your eighteen year old daughters off of my back

And your wives they like the way I carry on

And why don't you go look at your mother for a while

You notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smile

Well that just means I've been there and I've gone

Now if you got a frigid woman I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars

You can bring her around my house at four o'clock

And you can come and pick her up at 4:03 if you can pry her off of me

I got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the block

Now if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to me

Better bring a Cadillac full of money

Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swag

I can make you creep I can make you crawl make you scream and climb the wall

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag

So Baby don't call me up at three o'clock in the mornin' no more threatenin' suicide

I mean go ahead and do it honey cause wakin' me up is a drag

And you can leave a note for all the rest sayin' at least you had the very best

And he's so damn good that he don't have to brag

Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire

Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag

I'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake

And I'm so good that I don't have to brag