The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things

Lines in my hands

Light through the walls

I'm writing letters to you with my prayers

Long before what i've stood up will fall

or who i thought i might be is ensnared

A man inside a fish

scales from someone's eyes

a family in a great big boat while the rest of the world dies

You're making food to feed five thousand

You're saying "let the children come to me"

in the corner of the classroom i am pulling back the carpet

i'm afraid of what i see

What is truth?

What is truth?

What is true?

What is truth?

What is truth?

What is true?

How big are love and history?

and what hides inside their mouths?

there are holes in me from things pushed in

When i pull them out

and out of which come questions that i can not unwrap

What i once learned is not enough to hold the torrent back

I feel as though the weight of questions has grown to cruel to bear

Though i long to lift it now

the load makes me despair

ask though i may the faces who once led me by the hand

their voices are unfamiliar

i'm not even sure they understand

And now my spine is bowed

by the boxes on my back

i don't know how to open them

i want to give them back

and yet you will not stir to ease this burden that i carry

it seems as though you've piled them up and treated me unfairly

it's this devastating world that laughs and steals upon my back

and everything comes crashing down when my will finally cracks

no longer will i tote the cryptic words of ages gone

when i was being broken, where were you all along?

lessons recounted faithfully now fall like clumps of wool

the men and women who lied to me are cockeyed, panting wolves

they wave their flags and cast their stones and sneer with lusty grins

commanding me to follow a path they have never believed in

they low like cattle with bulging veins

and militant fists in the air

join their flock or burn in hell and i'm not sure that i care

crawling out from the wreckage

of all that i've been taught

i'm leaving it behind

they fling their venom out at me

when i resign

outside the gates i drag myself into a world bigger than i had believed

and inside they flay their sheep

lest they follow me and leave

but after everything i've done

and everything i do

i can still remember you

lines in my hands

light through the walls

i'm writing you letters with my prayers

after all that i've stood up falls

and i afford you none of my cares

if i ask you "what is truth" will you be silent still?

my questions and doubts may chasm

i fear you can not fill

perhaps the lens i've eyed you through keeps me from from the truth

i can't find what i'm looking for

and i still remember you

when i relent the shackles of all that i've been fed

i pull back the floor and find something beautiful instead

after everything that i've been through

i don't recognize myself anymore

sometimes i think that i might remember

but then i close the door

i walk away from everything

and find myself made free

in all the tangles of who i am

the truth is that you love me

just as i was, just as i am

just as i will be

in all the tangles of who i am

the truth is that you love me