You Can Have Her

[ intro: chris rock ]

...all this ill shit

This fuckin sir mix-a-lot shit

What the fuck is this shit?

See the shit's video?

'put it on the glass!'

'put yo titties on the glass'

This is like a pick-up line:

'how you doin?

I was wonderin, could you put yo big fuckin titties on the glass?'

'no, i don't wanna go to a movie, could you put em on the glass?!'

'put your titties on the glass'?!

What happened to 'how ya doin? whatcha doin later? let's catch a movie'?

No, 'put em on the glass'

'put em on the fuckin glass'

What the fuck is this shit?

The girls got on bikinis - he got a fur coat on

What the fuck is the weather like in seattle?

[ sir mix-a-lot ]

All my ex's, eat this one

(you can have her)

[ verse 1 ]

I used to have this girl, let's say her name was mona

Mona, fine young sugar comin out of arizona

5 ft. 6 straight thick with a switch

And a set of them juicy-ass lips (mmh...)

Kinky, just like me

She can take a straight gee

And put him down for the count 1, 2, 3

Needless to say i was kickin it

Cause i know when i'm the only one gettin it

But - ooh, things change when you don't maintain

The same game you got her with, mayn

Flew back home, and i was slippin

Cause as soon as i left, another brother starts spittin

Throwin drag about wantin a family

Tryin to front because he wanna be manly

Tellin my girl how i'm playin the field

Boy, you'se a jake for real

Now a player i like, but you know i can't stand no snitch

Tryin to front like he rich

Done shot your credit, cause you bought you a new e

320, and you wanna be a hoe like me

Now you done salted my game

Told my girl i'm a player, and you bought her a ring

You paid a lotta money just to grab her

I'ma tell you like this, trick: you can have her

(you can have her)

[ verse 2 ]

I gotta do what i gotta do

Baby girl's through, so i need somethin new

You can't keep a good mack down

I get around cause i got a tight thing up in sea-town

5'9" with dimples

Caramel skin, straight fine, hella tight, no pimples

Thinkin my game was concrete

But i gotta watch for them other entertainers and athletes

Especially the ones who wanna settle down

Cause they'll beg and drink out your shoes and get they nose brown

Just the kinda man you wanted, ain't it, honey?

A big buff dumb-ass fool with hella money

Down to spend till his knees bend

Then the athlete's broke and his girl's in the wind

And my girl gets mad, cause i never spend time like i'm s'posed to

Plus i'm a boaster

Shaggin up too damn quick, now she's lookin for a sugar daddy

Just to get a '96 caddy

A big truck she found

You young scrub on the bench for the cleveland browns

He never had nothin, thicker than a cheerleader

Now he got juice, so he eats her

And treats her to a big wad of cash

Too weak, so she left his ass

You can have her

(you can have her)

Just rollin by the playboy mansion...

[ verse 3 ]

I got me a, i got me a, i got me a, i got me a

Young bunny, young bunny in la-la land

Wanna get freaky with the papa man

I smack her to the front, i smack her to the back

I smack it with the whiffle ball bat, remember that?

One happy black man i be

When my l.a. bunny wanna trip with me

Her name is teresa

She was freakier than me, but i figured i could please her

She had the long braids

Chocolate sister, loved to cuff men like slaves

Arrived at the house at last

Seen two shades of lipstick on the same wine glass

Provocative artwork around me

Four pink slippers on the floor surround me

One pair's for her, the other pair's for who?

Plus she only lives in a one bedroom

Well hm - it might be on

Ménage-à-trois, open la bouche, taste la bomb

Teresa's roommate walks in

6 ft 2 with a wig and a stupid-ass grin

(oh my goodness!)

(you can have her)

You done brought a big-ass man up in the room?

Girl, what's wrong with you?

Honey, that is gay

Yo partner, you can have her

Cause i don't want none of y'all

3's company, if you know what i'm sayin

Yeah

Put it on the danceflo'

Bring it back