God, I Hate Shakespeare

[Nick and Nigel]

Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare

That's right, I said it (no!)

I do, I hate Shakespeare

(Why?) I just don't get it

How a mediocre actor

From a measly little town

Is suddenly the brightest jewel

In England's royal crown

[Nick ]

Oh, God, I hate Shakespeare

His plays are wordy, but

Oh, no, the great Shakespeare

That little turd, he has no

Sense about the audience

He makes them feel so dumb

The bastard doesn't care that my

Poor ass is getting numb

How can you say that? How can you say that?

(It's easy, I can say it cause it's absolutely true)

Don't be a penis, the man is a genius

(His genius is he's fooling all of you)

[Nick and Nigel]

But he's brilliant, what majesty flows from his pen

His poetry soars like a sweet violin

God's own inspiration, like lightning doth strike him

And he captures my soul (aw, jeez, you sound just like him!)

[Nigel]

Really? Thanks!

[Nick and Nigel]

You should hate Shakespeare

(Well, I don't, I try to)

(Emulate Shakespeare)

Well, there's your problem, you're

So blinded by The Bard, who's

Such a pompous little man

(Why is it a problem to)

(Admit that I'm a fan?)

Cause he's a hack with a knack

For stealing anything he can

[Nick]

How can you say that? How can you say that?

The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play

You wish you could pen one, we wish we were in one

(I just wish that he would go away)

[Nigel]

Well, that's not gonna happen because everybody

I know says that he is the greatest writer that England has ever known

[Nick]

And that's another thing

I hate about Shakespeare

Is all that twits who

Bloviate about Shakespeare

And how they prattle on

About his great accomplishments

Well la-di-da-di-da

And once they start the gushing

There's no stopping them and then it's

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah Shakespeare

And he walks in it's

Dum-de-dum-ta-da Shakespeare

He's holding court and they say

Will, you're such a genius and

Your writing is divine

A rose by any other name

Is such a clever line

And they're all ooh and he's all stop

And they're all yay and I'm all retch!

And I'm really getting sick of it

And oh, oh, oh

Oh, I hate Shakespeare

(I think by now, we sort of)

(Know you hate Shakespeare)

Shmakespeare!

The way he feigns humility

When all he does is gloat

The way he wears that silly, frilly

Collar 'round his throat

The poster child for why

No one should ever procreate

Let me make a shorter list

And I will give it to you straight

Every little thing about Shakespeare

Is what I hate (hates, he hates)

(He clearly surely, really, truly)

(Hates Shakespeare)

[Nigel]

Don't hate!