Gee, Officer Krupke

KRUPKE

(spoken)

Hey, you!

A-RAB

(spoken)

Who me?

KRUPKE

(spoken)

Yeah, you!

A-RAB

(spoken)

Why it is Officer Krupke, Baby John.

BABY JOHN

(spoken)

Top of the evening, Officer Krupke.

KRUPKE

(spoken)

I'll crack the top of your skulls if you

punks don't stop when I whistle.

SNOWBOY

(spoken)

Ya see, cops believe everything they

read in the papers.

ACTION

(spoken)

To them we ain't human. We're cruddy

juvenile delinquents. So that's what we give 'em.

SNOWBOY(imitating Krupke)

(spoken)

Hey, you!

ACTION

(spoken)

Me, Officer Krupke?

SNOWBOY

(spoken)

Yeah, you! Gimme one good reason

for not dragging ya down the station house, ya

punk.

ACTION

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke,

You gotta understand,

It's just our bringin' up-ke

That gets us out of hand.

Our mothers all are junkies,

Our fathers all are drunks.

Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!

ACTION and QUARTET

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;

We never had the love that every child oughta get.

We ain't no delinquents,

We're misunderstood.

Deep down inside us there is good!

ACTION

There is good!

ALL

There is good, there is good,

there is untapped good.

Like inside, the worst of us is good.

SNOWBOY (imitating Krupke)

(spoken)

That's a touchin'

good story.

ACTION

(spoken)

Lemme tell it to the world!

SNOWBOY ("Krupke")

(spoken)

Just tell it to the judge.

ACTION

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,

My parents treat me rough.

With all their marijuana,

They won't give me a puff.

They didn't wanna have me,

But somehow I was had.

Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad!

DIESEL ("Judge")

Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square;

This boy don't need a judge, he needs an

analyst's care!

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.

He's psychologic'ly disturbed!

ACTION

I'm disturbed!

ALL

We're disturbed, we're disturbed,

We're the most disturbed,

Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed.

DIESEL ("Judge")

(spoken)

In the opinion of this court, this child

is depraved on account he ain't had a

normal home.

ACTION

(spoken)

Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm

deprived!

DIESEL ("Judge")

(spoken)

So take him to a headshrinker.

ACTION

My father is a bastard,

My ma's an S.O.B.

My grandpa's always plastered,

My grandma pushes tea.

My sister wears a mustache,

My brother wears a dress.

Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")

Yes!

Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.

This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest

job.

Society's played him a terrible trick,

Und sociologic'ly he's sick!

ACTION

I am sick!

ALL

We are sick, we are sick,

We are sick sick sick,

Like we're sociologically sick!

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")

(spoken)

In my opinion, this child don't need

to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile

delinquency is purely a social disease!

ACTION

(spoken)

Hey, I got a social disease!

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")

(spoken)

So take him to a social worker!

ACTION

Dear kindly social worker,

They say go earn a buck,

Like be a soda jerker,

Which means like be a schmuck.

It's not I'm anti-social,

I'm only anti-work.

Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk!

BABY JOHN ("Social Worker")

Eek!

Officer Krupke, you've done it again.

This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the

pen.

It ain't just a question of misunderstood;

Deep down inside him, he's no good!

ACTION

I'm no good!

ALL

We're no good, we're no good,

We're no earthly good,

Like the best of us is no damn good!

DIESEL ("Judge")

The trouble is he's crazy.

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")

The trouble is he drinks.

BABY JOHN ("Social Worker")

The trouble is he's lazy.

DIESEL ("Judge")

The trouble is he stinks.

A-RAB ("Psychiatrist")

The trouble is he's growing.

BABY JOHN ("Social Worker")

The trouble is he's grown.

ALL

Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke,

We're down on our knees,

'Cause no one wants a fella with a social

disease

Gee, Officer Krupke,

What are we to do?

Gee, Officer Krupke,

Krup you!