El Niño Considers His Failures

Obsessed with my success and other people’s ages

Don’t need to tell you that I’m jaded

Stopping at a Waffle House off of 85

I haven’t moved an inch since I was seventeen

Maybe my gut’s a little bigger

And my shirts don’t fit right anymore

What’s the point of pushing on anymore?

I’m always tired, or maybe I’m always bored

I was told that I’d be fine when I got old

But now I’m thinking that’s a lie

So l down these fries before they get too cold

If I don’t feel love in the places I call home

Can I feel anything in general?

Is it me? Can I get through this?

Is there a way to wash it off, or is this stain permanent?

I watch my double descend into the Echo with me

He’s got a craft beer in one hand and a pocket full of Molly

Everyone’s always a few deep

They mash up pop songs I’ve never heard

But I know the melody

Now his hands are up in the air like everything’s a possibility

Fifteen years on and I still hate this

But I bet even he’d call me a friend

Because I’m the only one stuck living like this

Alone in my own head

I feel like ECT has corrupted my core memory

I’ve been here before, and I’ll be here when everybody goes

When I’m only waking up

Because the sun’s too strong for my cheap blinds

I head for for couch and think some day there’ll be a sign

Why can’t I act my age, or find a way to get to work?

To pay the rent on this dark space

Spruce it up and put some paint on the walls

Try to clean at least every other week

Unpack the boxes

Put away the mess eventually