Nutcraker

Hooray it’s christmastime

But there’s one lousy tradition

There’s a certain show that we will see

That is old and many would agree

It is time to find another show

To substitute for the nutcracker

I’m watching the game but something’s wrong

Staring is my wife her face looks long

I know that look it must be me

It’s not our anniversary

I shrug, no clue.

“What did I do?”

She stands in disbelief

What?

This holiday scene brings no laughter

Forced going to see the nutcracker

I tried to block it from my mind

Think fast! What reason can I find?

Got work to do

I’ll fake the flu

No chance, I’m done, I’m screwed

No!

I’ve seen the nutcracker twenty times.

Sure it is fun if you are four

Bum!

Don’t call me a scrooge cause it’s a bore.

The story’s dated and that mouse-king-thing freaks me out!

Well, guess I’m a guy what can I say

I’d rather watch football than ballet

I try my hardest not to groan

And pull the score up on my phone

As I complain,

“It’s not the same.”

We’re rushing out the door

Go!

All holiday shoppers on the road

My holiday spirit might explode

Of course there is no place to park

We’re late the theater’s in the dark

In no small feat

We find a seat

The show’s about to start

Shh!

Here’s that song from tetris

And I know it’s the part when I fight

Not to fall asleep

March the wooden soldiers

Bunch of mice start a fight

Land of sweets

Man this stuff’s trippy

By the way this story makes no sense

Still don’t know

What it means

After all these years

So confusing

Feel like snoozing

Eyes are heavy

As I start to dream

Whoa I’m awake must’ve fallen

Asleep guess I didn’t snore or make a peep

Cause my wife had no clue I’d been out-cold

Is the finale coming up because

There is no beer left in my cup

To make it through I’ll need another drink

Snuck out to the lobby

Oh look I found a tv

I forgot the game was happening

It’s down to the wire

Time will soon expire

Down by one this kick would win it

Hut-hut!

The ball’s snapped

Oh no!

The kick’s bad

Right right!

No, we lost!

No!

How could this night get any worse?

Now I’m feeling all depressed

But I still have to act impressed

A pirouette oh wow that’s great

A six year-old could do that too

Saw my team lose at the bar

Now dancing dudes in leotards

Last nutcracker hopefully

But my wife’s thinking differently

She leans in closely, whispers softly

Can’t wait for you to take me next year.