I'm The Greatest Star

Hey, can we have your autograph?

My autograph?

I'm nobody

But wait a minute

I've got 36 expressions

Sweet as pie to tough as leather

And that's six expressions more

Than all the Barrymores put together

Only six?

Instead of kicking me

I don't think they give me a lift

I think it's a plot

'Cause they're scared that I got

Such a gift, I'm miffed

'Cause I'm the greatest star

I am by far, but nobody knows it

Wait, they're gonna hear a voice

A silver flute

They'll cheer each toot

When I expose it

Can't you see the look at me

That I'm a natural Camille?

As Camille I just feel

I have so much to offer

I know I'll be divine because

I'm a natural cougher

Some ain't got it, not a lump

She a great big clump of talent

Laugh, they'll bend in half

Did I tell the story about the traveling salesman?

A thousand laughs

Stick around for 'em folks

A thousand faces, I reiterate

When you're gifted

Then you're gifted

These are facts, I have no axe to grind

Hey, what are they blind

In all of the world so far

I'm the greatest star

Who is the pip with pizazz?

Who is all ginger and jazz?

Who is as glamorous as?

Who's an American beauty rose

With that American beauty nose

And ten American beauty toes

Eyes on the target and wham

One shot, one gun shot and bam

Hey, world, here I am!

I'm the greatest star

I am by far

But nobody knows it

That's why I was born

I'll blow my horn

'Till somebody hears it

I'll light up like a light

Right up like a light

I'll flicker and flare up

All the world's gonna stare up

Looking down

You'll never see me

Try the sky

'Cause that'll be me

I can make 'em cry

I can make 'em sigh

Someday they'll clamor

For my dram-er

Have you guessed yet

Who's the best yet

If you ain't I'll tell you one more time

You bet yer last dime

In all the world so far

She's the greatest, greatest

Funny, life is far from sunny

When the laugh is over

And the jokes on you

Well, a girl's gotta have a sense of humor

That's one things you really needs for sure

When you're a funny girl

The fellow said "A funny girl"

Funny, how it ain't so funny girl

They're the luckiest people in the world

With one person, one very special person

A feeling deep in your soul says

You were half, now you're whole

No more hunger and thirst

But first be a person who needs people

People who need people

Are the luckiest people in the world