I Steal Everything

Want food but got no money

I'm screwed, or so it would seem

That's why I came up with this brilliant scheme

Just steal everything

For real, I'm not that picky

I'll steal whatever's in sight

Don't judge, 'cause you don't understand my plight

(Spoken) Hey, my crutch!

(Spoken) It's mine now, loser

I steal everything

Did you know that in this barbaric country

They only give you money if you work?

Thanks but no thanks, The Man

I'll keep stealing all I can

Instead of being a fascist, yuppy jerk

Hippy!

Fucker!

Slacker!

Sucker!

Who would seek employment

When life offers such enjoyment?

Anything I get I can get for free

Besides, the economy's shit

So I make haste when making exits

Get chased by a murderous mob

Hey man, still beats getting a job

Am I right?

Asshole!

Oh, wow

Douchebag!

Hey now!

Just one question, why man?

'Cause you stole my daughter's hymen

That's completely fair

But in my defense

(Spoken) Dude, your daughter's hot

I feel that it's my duty

To steal, 'cause stealing's an art

I'll steal clothing and shelter, whatever I lack

Candy from babies, the shirt off your back

Credit, identities, thunder, and scenes

Intellectual property, whatever that means

And if you look closer

This poor little orphan will steal your heart