Independence

Citizen:

You're in Independence!

Welcome to

The city so pleasing

That everyone's leaving

Fuck it, go west

Watch your backs

The city is bustlin'

With all kinds of hustlin'

And grit, go west

For Independence

Here are just a few things you should know:

Stay on the trail or you might get lost

Don't pay the toll, not worth the cost

Marry rich so ya don't die poor

A bankers' best, but ya might die bored

And independent

(Dialogue)

There's lots to learn

Which kid is your favorite?

Not all of them make it

Of course, sinkholes

A nine-month dirge

Every marriage is tested

Thank God they invented

Divorce, trending

In Independence

Here's a piece of free advice for you:

Before you go the General Store

Has all you need and plenty more

For your I-N-D-E-pendence

(Dialogue)

General Store Guy:

We're all friends

There's no war a-brewing

No one's abusing

Their rights to own an

Ox:

Ox like me!

General Store Guy:

You'll need a full yolk

Ox:

Their love and care is no joke

General Store Guy:

It's a job of your love

Ox:

Independent!

(Dialogue)

General Store Guy:

Here are just a few rules to live by

Father:

For your independence!

General Store Guy:

Don't say sorry to your Indian guide

They're not prepared for genocide

You might die of cholera and you might die of pain

But that's okay 'cause you'll probably get laid

By your mom and dad and little kids too

'Cause you all have to share the same bedroom

Use your kids as tourniquets

"Cause they won't help when you're bit

By a bear!

Or a snake!

Mother Nature's really great

When you're out there on the Oregon Trail

Feels like you are going to fail

But don't give up too soon

The world is your saloon

(Dialogue)

Mother:

There's a place for us

In a house out west

It's Oregon or bust

To save the family crest

That's the promise of the valley

Leave all this behind

Lord have mercy on my soul

As I try to lead the blind!

Chin up kids

Your family's united

Daughter:

I guess I'm excited...

Grandpa:

(Spoken) Oh, I'm so excited I pooped myself!

Mother:

Let's go where

The gold rush is soaring

Mother, Daughter, Son, Grandpa:

Let's go exploring

Our independence!

Citizen and Father:

Be prepared to take your life

With an arrow or a hunting knife

Stop and see Fort Laramie

There's nothin' to see, but you'll have to pee

Do you understand 'cause you look confused

Take a look at scenic mountain views

Stay away from Old Man Bridger

When he's drunk he'll take your liver

Life is not a petting zoo

Or you'll get ripped in two

By a...

All:

...Bear!

Or a snake!

Mother Nature's really great

Staying alive can be lots of fun

Be sure you have a loaded gun

Something will go wrong

The list is far too long

Declare your independence

Declare your independence

Declare your independence

Declare your

Citizen: I!

Daughter: N!

Mother: D!

Son: E!

Grandpa: P!

Father: E!

Citizen: N!

Daughter: D!

All: ENCE!

Diphtheria'll give ya onomatopoeia

All the same 'cause it gives you diarrhea

Runaway thieves are on the lamb

Leave them up to Uncle Sam

Don't stress

Take a breath

It might just be your last!

(Dialogue)

All:

For your I-N-D-E-pendence

Family:

Time to hit the road!