Classical Teacher

J: Hey Kage

K: Jables

J: How goes it man?

K: S'good... s'good

J: Y'know I been thinking a lot about it, and um, I just want us to be the

Best fucking band in the world.

K: Well yeah me too!

J: There's no point in doing it if we're not the best.

K: Well s'true. I agree with that.

J: I mean what, yeah we're gonna be, yeah we're really good. We're like

Almost as good as Arcade Fire, fuck that.

K: Yeah

J: We gotta leave those fuckers in the dust!

K: What, what do you...

J: All those fucking youngsters gotta lick our fucking boot or fuck it!

Y'know what I mean?

K: Yeah! Yeah, well what, how do we do that though?

J: *sigh* Dude you need to fucking have some lessons.

K: What!

J: I know, you're really good but you gotta expand your game.

K: Lessons!

J: Y'know how Koby in the off season would go and like, learn a fucking,

Y'know a Texas Two-Step or something, to add to his arsenal?

K: Man, yeah, that's true. That's true.

J: Well I've just been noticing some of your classic riffs are a little

Sloppy.

K: Really?

J: And I, I hope you're not pissed off at me but I went ahead and hired a

Dude.

K: Yeah? Oh no, what!

J: Dude, just give it a chance will you? If you don't like- ah hey! I

Swear, if you don't like it we'll fucking fire his ass. He's out.

K: Who is this guy? I never...

J: His name is Felix Char (?)

K: Urgh, what.

J: He's from Spain and he is the best.

K: Oh god...

J: I got him from the fucking London Phildsarmonic. (Meant to be

Philharmonic)

K: Urgh, I just, I don't know him, it seems weird!

J: Will you just, will you just spend a minute with him?

K: OK. Alright. I'll spend a minute with him.

J: OK bro, he's right outside I'm sending him in.

K: Oh god, OK. Why? Lessons, so stupid.

F: Hello?

K: Uh, hi!

F: Hello, I am Felix Char.

K: Hi, uh. Felix? Yeah, um.

F: Ah, as, Jack as asked me to spend some time with you. Uh.

K: OK, hm.

F: One on one. So, while Jack is outside, ah we will work on your

Technique.

K: OK.

F: Can I see you pick up, is this your guitar here?

[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/tenacious-d-lyrics/classical-teacher-lyrics.html ]

K: Yup. Yeah, I gotta it, I gotta it right over here.

F: Ah, it is a Fender ay? Is this a Fender?

K: Ah well it's a Gibson.

F: Yes a Gibson, yes. Made by the same, uh, manufacturer. Pick it up

Please, can you pick it up?

K: OK. Yeah.

F: No, no, no, d-d-d-d-d-d-d bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap!

K: What? What'd I do? What'd I do?

F: You pick it up from the neck! This is not the way you pick up a guitar!

K: I just picked it up, I just-

F: No, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, cállate tu bocar, pick it up from the

Body.

K: The what!

F: The body.

K: Oh the body! Body, OK.

F: I'm sorry about my accent.

K: I didn't know, I didn't know.

F: Now listen to me. I want you to play, like it is a woman. You go and

Play the guitar now. Play.

K: Uh, OK? Uh.

F: No, no, no, no, no. You, your fingers. Your fingers are too tight.

K: They're too tight?

F: Yes, let me get behind you. Like this, you see?

K: Oh! Hn.

F: If I put my finger, on your finger.

K: Hey!

F: Then you can feel...

K: I can! Wait!

F: Sh, sh, sh, sh, shu! Finger to your mouth. I put my finger on your

Mouth, on your lips.

K: Mhmhm!

F: Yes that's good.

K: Hey man!

F: Now listen hey, you want to play like an orgasm.

K: I'm just try- what! ?

F: Feel this. Do you feel that?

K: Oh god! This is really weird man!

F: That's my cock.

K: WHAT!

F: That's my cock in your butt cheeks.

K: OH GOD! Hey!

F: Do you feel it?

K: NO!

F: Now I'm going to tough your cock.

K: OW!

F: Let me touch your penis.

J: It's me!

K: WHAT!

J: It's me. It's JB.

K: GOD!

J: There's no Felix dude.

K: What are you doing!

J: I'm FUCKING WAKING YOU UP! I'm TRYING TO SHAKE YOUR FOUNDATIONS!

K: By touching me with your penis!

J: YES! By fucking touching your penis! Whatever it takes!

K: God!

J: That's all I'm saying dude! I'm making a point! Let's get fucking

Serious! Let's get physical! Alright. Let's take it from the top.