Charlie's Inferno

(Here lies Charlie)

(You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone)

He kept his showers ice cold

Used eco-friendly lightbulbs

Rode his bicycle to work when the gasoline price rose

He'd judge with no pretense, fish on the weekends

Each morning, get up, do the Pledge of Allegiance

Never swim in the ocean, for fear of shark attacks

Bi-monthly get his wife a rose with a card attached

Avoiding all the little things that were hard to ask

Had a car crash, cardiac arrest, died of a heart attack

Up the golden escalator, all his friends and neighbors

Huddled there in prayer around the respirator

Catch you later, I'm off to see the man upstairs!

They all look like ants from here

Stars and crystal chandeliers

There was an angel at the entrance

Checking off a guest list

Charlie wasn't on it and was ushered to the exit

His heart sank, he was breathless

Excuse me, sir!

There must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I go to church on Sunday, truly, usually more!

Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door

Excuse me, sir!

There must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I go to church on Sunday, truly usually more!

Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door

Abandon all hope, all ye who enter

It was a horrifying sign but sounded like a neat adventure

Far beyond the halos and the castles in the clouds

Fatsos squealing, shackled with some apples in their mouths

Attention whores in padded bras hanging from extension cords

Tortured with the products from their favorite catalogs

Here, we buy and sell a million kinds of Hell

Imagination is the limit to the devil's clientele

Up a dingy elevator, no televised debate

Will save you from the Hell you paid for

Sorry buddy, smell you later

Side-stepped fate

Went right for the gate

But you know the devil, he loves a good chase!

There was a demon at the entrance, making Xs on a checklist

Who would kick you in the ass when you begged him for repentance

Those tempted by the senses with the cruelest of intentions

Charlie's heart sank, he was breathless

Excuse me, sir!

There must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before

Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door

Excuse me, sir!

There must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before

Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door

You can run from your demons until you are exhausted

One day you will have to stop and find out what they wanted

Keep on running from those demons until you are exhausted

You can run to those angels until you are exhausted

One day you will have to stop and question what they wanted

Keep on running to those angels until you are exhausted

Excuse me, sir!

There must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before

(I don't want to die) (Please don't let me die)

Excuse me, sir!

There must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before

(I don't want to die) (Please don't let me die)