Liar's Bar

Well sitting in a bar alone where no-one knows your name

Is like laying in a graveyard wide awake

You're scared that if you cough or yawn, you might wake up the dead

So pretend to read a paper or just drink instead

I'm a stand-up comedian, but I'd sit down if I could

The world just seems to want folk like me to stand

And the punch-lines seem to disappear like clouds across the sky

And the laughter could be real or could be canned

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

Well living with a lying man could never really hurt

But living with a drunk, well no-one deserves

And you're looking for your husband, you're not sure he's still alive

Don't bother with the cemetery, he'll be down at liar's dive

I'm a travelling businessman, I just stopped in for one drink

You'll find that I'm not like the other men

Their noses are red, whilst mine is only pink

And they didn't choose their drink, their drink chose them

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

And the grave-digger's smiling, at his reflection in his spade

He's visiting the seediest, the shallowest of graves

The vocal chords of elephants, and the characters of mice

They're singing "whisky, whisky", so good they named it twice

Well don't pass buildings with lights on, if I said that I did I'd have lied

'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant, may have Chinese New Year inside

And son all my life I've been searching, the bars I've been in I forget

The lights outside ever brighter, but a light on the inside not yet

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

And he's a world-wide traveller, he's not like me or you

But he comes in mighty regular, for one who's passing through

That one came in his work clothes, he's missed his last bus home

He's missed a hell of a lot of buses, for a man who wants to roam

If I look rough I am rough

If I look sad I am

If I look broke am I broke

Just a broke down piece of man

I've turned over enough leaves, to fill an autumn

and if I had one final wish

I'd be your slave for a decade, if you could take me away from this

If you took me away from this, I'd be different you'd see

'Cause I didn't choose the drink, a drink just chose me

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

Well I'm smoking like a chimney

And I'm drinking like a fish

At Liars' Bar