Leonard's Lament

'Twas the evening 'fore a trip across the water

I'd arranged a romance with the Squire's daughter

I became apoplectic

Learning she's narcoleptic

The night would become my crewmates' fodder

Pheasant, prunes, turnips, I prepared a feast

Wine from Portugal she didn't care in the least

Of sips she took a few

Yet never got to chew

Before long she was snoring like a beast

Now I hate my life on the open seas

The salty water and dusty decks make me sneeze

All I hoped was a night of bliss

I couldn't even catch a kiss

Instead I got to hear Rip Van Winkle wheeze

Finally she stirred to life, refreshed, awake

We then went to see what shadow puppets we could make

A dog, a bunny, a swan

We laughed 'till the flame was gone

In darkness I found a slumber that could not be fake

Revive, dear Suzanne, revive

Your father will cry harlot

Your maidens' cheeks will flush scarlet

Revive!

I threw the listless body into a carriage

Mentioned the Squire's name and paid the fair-age

In the morrow I return to sea

Sixty men, four monkeys and me

Never getting to know the secrets of marriage