Oh Sweet Woods

I was in Tahoe, on the California side,

waiting in the lobby at 665 1/2 Frontage Road

when two extra-blond short sleeve button-down

white-shirt blue-tie mystery Mormons

came in and put this music on:

came in and took me by the arm,

and as they had me marching through the parking lot-

and as they were marching through the parking lot-

they blew into their shirt-pocket microphones

like this:

And then they drove me to an Albertson's outside of Boise

and took me into a back room.

and they said they wanted to balance my checkbook;

and they said they wanted to organize my receipts

and itemize my expenses

and that I had the key

to a safety deposit box,

with treasury bonds and the key

to another safety deposit box

where I'd stashed away

the only pewter pocket watch

that ever belonged to

Joseph Smith's Great-Great Uncle's

Brother-in-Law.

And I said, "You've got the wrong Eleanor Friedberger."

And then they sang at me like this