The Wayward Granddaughter

He said "Come on now babe

Let's take a little drive

Go slumming down the Carson's in my black X-5."

Samples from the Clinique counter and up the escalator

And then a knowing glance from last night's cute, talkative waiter

Surprise, surprise

Going through five hundred king Egyptian size count satin cotton sheets

A smirk hello from the tanning salon boy

My man mumbled, he realized

"They told me that she cheats."

"Oh, don't you start! Jealous heart."

Jealous heart. Jealous heart

I put one foot forward and one foot back

My hand upon my hip

I gave my hair a flip

I can't help it

What's he think I got all this loving for

Well guess what

He don't pay my bills no more

Well I guess

All this stuff

That'll befall ya and bedevil ya

And try ya

I'll move back in with Yaiyai

My daughter, we named her Maureen

Can you believe it

I never believed it, or her

Because she called you Connie

The Don Juan he, my husband, loved redheards and thought this name

Would turn his baby into the same

And each time I see you, Connie

Yes?

I say God bless, my dear departed Peter

That he never had to meet her

His beautiful granddaughter who dyed

It would have killed him again

Her gorgeous red-brown hair black

When she turned 15 behind my back

You lived with me at that time

Yes, I did

You were such a cute and smart and obedient and happy and pretty little kid

My beautiful granddaughter who dyed

Her gorgeous red-brown hair black

When she turned fifteen behind my back

And which Kevin were you dating

I mean letting take advantage of you then

the black one, or the white one

Once upon a time there were two Kevins

You mean two jerks

Once upon a time there were two Kevins

And being with one Kevin was being in one heaven

And not being with the other swell was being in another, well

Kevin and Kevin were best friends since seven

La la la-la-la la la

When they met at Joey Meyer's

Red White and Blue Demon basketball seminar tutorial clinic day care camp

For underprivileged kids

And overstimulated brats.

And they're both wearing vintage throw-back fourty five dollar

Nineteen eighty three White Sox hats

And now at H-F

Point guard and shooting guard

And now at H-F

Point guard and shooting guard

And the drill team shouting themselves deaf

And then back in the back yard

Yours, Yaiyai

With the one and then the next night with the other one and one big secret

I mean two

But little did I know that they knew

They knew

And would slap each other on the back

About what it was they'd do

They knew

They knew

Well, we can talk about it, Connie

But often, memories are better off sung

Remember when you were young

Remember when I was young

Remember when you were young

Remember when I was young

La la la...

La la la...