Page type: lyric reference
Artist: The Frantics
Canonical path: /the-frantics/last-will-and-temperament
Related lyric paths: 6
Lyric guide
Last Will And Temperament
Read Last Will And Temperament lyrics by The Frantics on LyroVerse, with linked artist context and related song paths.
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Curated by Ethan Walker
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Lyrics
Last Will And Temperament
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LAWYER: As executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read
Mr. Muldoon's Last Will and Testament.
HEDGE: Well, get on with it! The bars open soon.
JENNY: Oh, poor Arthur! Waah!
HANK: There, there Jenny!
RALSTON: How predictably boring.
MRS. MULROY: I never worked for a kinder man.
LAWYER: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.
RALSTON: I knew it.
HEDGE: Hah, hah, hah, hah.
LAWYER: I, Arthur Durham Muldoon, being of sound mind and body --
HEDGE: That's a laugh! Hah, hah, hah, hah...
LAWYER: -- do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To my
overly emotional sister Jenny --
JENNY: Waahh!
HANK: Jenny, darling, he's talking about us.
LAWYER: -- who grubbed with her husband Hank, grubbed for everything they
could get from me and then shed crocodile tears when I needed sympathy; to
Jenny I leave... a boot to the head.
HEDGE: Hah, hah, hah, hah!
JENNY: A what ? (THUMP!) Ow!
HANK: Jenny, are you okay?
LAWYER: And another boot to her wimpy husband Hank.
HANK: (THUMP!) Ow!
LAWYER: Ah, but still, you are my sister. You have both admired my Rolls
Royce, and since I no longer need it --
JENNY: Oh, dear Arthur, he's too kind!
LAWYER: -- I bequeath... another boot to the head.
JENNY: What? (THUMP!) Ow!
HEDGE: Hah, hah, hah, hah!
LAWYER: And another one for the wimp.
HANK: (THUMP!) Ow!
LAWYER: Next, to my alcoholic brother --
HEDGE: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head.
LAWYER: -- to dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life --
HEDGE: I'm covering up my head!
LAWYER: -- I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey.
HEDGE: Really?
LAWYER: And a boot to the head.
HEDGE: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: And another for Jenny and the wimp.
JENNY: (THUMP!) Uh!
HANK: (THUMP!) Ow!
LAWYER: Next, to my know-it-all nephew, Ralston --
RALSTON: This is so predictable.
LAWYER: I leave a boot to the head.
RALSTON: (THUMP!) Uh! I knew it.
LAWYER: And one for Jenny and the wimp.
JENNY: (THUMP!) Ow!
HANK: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: This takes care of family obligations. And now, to Mrs. Mulroy --
MRS. MULROY: Oh, ah, I don't want nuthin'.
LAWYER: -- who took care of me faithfully these many many years, who cared,
made me laugh, brought me tea --
MRS. MULROY: Oh, I didn't mind.
LAWYER: To Mrs. Mulroy, I bequeath... a boot to the head.
MRS. MULROY: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: And one for Jenny and the wimp.
JENNY: (THUMP!) Ah!
HANK: (THUMP!) Oh!
LAWYER: And so, to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire, vast... boot to the
head.
MITTENS: (THUMP!) Mroooow!
LAWYER: And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave
not a boot to the head, but a rabid Tasmanian Devil TO BE PLACED IN HIS
TROUSERS??? (growling...) Uhh! Huh! Huh! Huh! (panicking...) And, and, and
I leave my entire estate of ten million dollars to the people of Calgary so
they can afford to move somewhere decent
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Who performs "Last Will And Temperament"?
The Frantics performs "Last Will And Temperament", and this lyric page sits inside the The Frantics catalog on LyroVerse.
Are there related songs to explore after "Last Will And Temperament"?
Yes. The related section below points to All The Same and Another Day with a short reason for opening each page next.
Where can I find more songs by The Frantics?
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