My Rules/elliott Garfield Grant

Paula

You pay for phone calls, laundry, linen and utilities

I don't make beds or clean, i'm not your chambermaid

You'll use the kitchen and the powder room facilities

When i'm not in them and when all your bills are paid

I want no drinking, drugging, smoking on the premises

Spare us your vulgar, loud off-broadway calvacade

Disturb my daughter and you'll find no greater nemesis

And stick to language out of disney on parade

My rules are clear

We'll both pretend that you're not really here

My rules are court

Just follow them and no one will get hurt

Elliot

No!

Paula

No?

Elliot

I'm not happy with the arrangements.

Don't speak

I need your attention, i'm not gonna say this twice

I'm your landlord and this piece of paper says

You've gotta treat me nice,

Lady, i'm the one with the rulebook

Who'll say what you can do and can't

Cause you're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant

God love em

You're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant

Push me

And you will discover

That you're gonna be exiled

You're the guest of my private foundation

You and your poster child

I'm the one who's giving the orders

A not-too-commandant

Ten-hut

You're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant

Look at the gutter and know

There but for the grace of elliot

Outside it's seven below

You're here, you're warm, you're dry

And i'm the reason why

What a guy

Henceforth we're doing it my way

And there will be no disputes

Think of me as a permanent fixture

I'm planning to set down roots

From now on i'm part of the landscape

A tough indigenous plant

Sunshine

You're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant

No applause, please

You're living on an elliot garfield

My rules, my sweet

Your choice is to submit or hit the streets

I like to shower every morning

And i don't like your panties wringing wet on the rod

And if you have to leave your razor on the sink

You run the risk i'll turn into sweeney todd

As i'm a crazy kind of guy

Who can't predict when nature calls

Or hunger seizes me

I'll use this honey of a bathroom and the

Goddam kitchen

Anytime it pleases me

I hate an over-heated habitat

As grab a quilt and leave the thermostat to me

I always sleep completely naked, buffo

Window open winter, spring through fall

So if you care to spare your daughter

A reluctant introduction to anatomy

I'd bolt my door at night

And keep that precious kid of yours

From wandering the hall

You have a chip on your shoulder the size

Of the empire state

Call your charm school and ask for a refund

While i hyperventilate

Get a booster shot for distemper

Then try not to rave and to rant

Lambchop, you're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant

Mister nice guy

You're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant

Don't thank me

You're living on an elliot garfield

An elliot garfield grant