Elixir

The pirates went a-drinkin' on a rainy Monday night

They settled in a cozy inn with clientele uptight

But we all knew the formula that filled the place with cheer

Pint after pint we cured them all with frosty mugs of beer

And our elixir it was a sixer

The foundation of every social mixer

We've learned that drinkin' it sure beats thinkin'

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all

The pirates went a-drinkin' on a dandy Tuesday night

We've met these lovely ladies who made us feel alright

In the company of men we drank some whiskey, rum and gin

But that's the wrong solution if with ladies you want in

And our elixir it was a spritzer

Don't laugh the sparkling beverages a fixture

We've learned that drinkin' it sure beats thinkin'

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all

The pirates went a-drinkin' on a desperate Wednesday night

We've spent so much on lager that our coin was running tight

So little cash in had we thought we are out of luck

We need a plan to maximize our drinking bang-for-buck

And our elixir it was hard liquor

Nothing quite like it to get you drunker quicker

We've learned that drinkin', it sure beats thinkin'

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all

The pirates went a-drinkin' on a dauntless Thursday night

We tried most of their alcohols and they were feeling trite

The barkeep says if you feel brave, I got a drink for you

But it might blind or kill you or remove an old tattoo

And our elixir it was a mixture

Don't know what but my tongue it has a blister

We've learned that drinkin', it sure beats thinkin'

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all

The pirates went a-drinkin' on an angry Friday night

Full of piss and vinegar and spoiling for a fight

So we found a small speakeasy that crowded it's mixology

But we opted for a barroom brawl with no apology

And our elixir was punching hipsters

Knock them out then make time with their sultry sisters

We've learned that drinkin', it sure beats thinkin'

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all

The pirates went a-drinkin' on a randy Saturday night

When we asked these girls to join us they rebuffed us with a slight

The ladies didn't swoon at us when we first got it started

But they were swaying dangerously when we all departed

And our elixir that'll fix her

Just add alcohol and then you'll be betwixt her

We've learned that drinkin', it sure beats thinkin'

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all

The pirates went a-drinkin' on a shameful Sunday night

Seven nights of drinking left this feeling quite contrite

We realized our actions ranged from bad to flat depraved

So we started looking for a way to get us saved

And our elixir (and our elixir) it wasn't scripture (it wasn't scripture)

It was grog followed by grog just for a kicker (just got a kicker)

We've learned that drinkin', it sure beats thinkin' (it sure beats thinkin')

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all (cures them all)

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all (cures them all)

Life is full of obstacles the elixir cures them all (ah, hah)