Spank

I don’t remember the first time

But I think I survived

Probably better not to try to recall cause it feeds it, yea it keeps it alive

There are specific things

That I have to do

Day to day just to keep it at bay

You wouldn’t believe if you knew

Oh no, this isn’t real

Here’s a little secret

Here’s the best part

This is gonna take me right back to the start

If I can’t hear it

If it’s out of mind

Wait until it settles

Comes round a second time

I don’t remember the first time

But I think I survived

Probably better not to try to recall cause it feeds it, yea it keeps it alive

Oh no, this isn’t real

Here’s a little secret

Here’s the best part

This is gonna take me right back to the start

If I can’t hear it

If it’s out of mind

Wait until it settles

Comes round a second time

I can feel it loom up into my head

It is in the room

Panicking in bed

I feel it coming on

Taking over view

Oh please not tonight

There’s nothing I can do

This is bigger than me

This is in my fear

This is pitiful

I just disappear

Swells up all around me

Swallowed up inside

Sell my senses if it would make this subside

I can barely handle

I can pass the time

Staring through the curtains up into the sky

Where there is no depth perception

Keep preoccupied: self deception

Nobody recognises

It doesn’t have a name

My brother is infected; he’s acting just the same

Screaming like a siren, up and down the hall

He just wants to stop it

He wants to end it all

I am just a child

I have nothing more than the basic function I am running from

I curl up and wallow

My distortion

Everything is disproportion

Suddenly I wake

All is back again

Everything is closer

Morning is the same

And I can’t hear it; it’s way out of mind

I will just forget this till the next time