Town Meeting Song

Listen there were objects so peculiar

They were not to be believed

All around things to tantalize my brain, my brain

It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen

And as hard as I try, I can't seem to describe

Like a most improbable dream, improbable dream

But you must believe when I tell you this

It's as real as my skull and it does exist

Here let me show you

This thing is called a present

And the whole thing starts with a box

A box? Is it steel? Are there locks?

Is it filled with a pox? A pox, how delightful, a pox

If you please just a box with bright colored paper

And the whole thing's topped with a bow

Bow? Bow? But why? How ugly, what's in it? What's in it?

That's the point of the thing, not to know

It's a bat, will it bend?

It's a rat, will it break?

Perhaps it's the head that I found in the lake

Listen now you don't understand

That's not the point of Christmas land

Now pay attention we pick up an over sized sock

And hang it like this on the wall

Oh, yes, does it still have a foot? Let me see, let me look

Is it rotted and covered with gook?

Hmm, let me explain there's no foot inside, but there's candy

Or sometimes it's filled with small toys

Small toys, do they bite? Do they snap or explode in a sack

Or perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys?

What a splendid idea, this Christmas sounds fun

Why I fully endorse it, let's try it at once

Everyone please not so fast

There's something here that you don't quite grasp

Well, I may as well give them what they want

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last

For the ruler of this Christmas land

Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice

At least that's what I've come to understand

And I've also heard it told that he's something to behold

Like a lobster, huge and red

And sets out to slay with his rain gear on

Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms

And on a dark cold night under full moonlight

He flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky

And they call him Sandy Claws

Well, at least they're excited though they don't understand

That special kind of feeling in Christmas land

Oh, well, oh, well