The Return To Innocence Lost

[Ursula Rucker]

Muffled sound of fist on flesh

Blows to chest

No breath

Air gasps

You ain't nothing but white trash, bitch!

With each hit, each kick, each...broken rib

Crack, Crack!

Bones are crying

Mommy's crying and bleeding

And pleading

And then...

Daddy wants to fuck

Dick hard, swelled with power rush

And as if all that wasn't enough

Mommy's seven months heavy with birth

As...Daddy grunts and cursed drunk nothings in her bloodied ear

[singing softly]

First...lullaby

First...Son...will...ever...hear

And never forget

Mommy almost bled to death when she have him...finally

She'd already lost...three

Uterus-bruised, shredded, and weak

From being daily beat

And Friday nights were the worse and...

Daddy never came with flowers

Instead he spent hours at some corner spot

With some bar pop named Cookie

Putting his thing down

Soiling Mommy's sheets with...

Sweet...talk shit,

Cookie's cheap lipstick,

Hair grease, sperm, and jezebel juice

To hell with the good news that...

He was a father for the first time

His thirst for wine and women

Clouded his vision...

No warm welcome for mother and son

Just...

The rank smell of ass-crack, funk, and cum

But Mommy's prayerful strength-her best defense

She...burned the dirty linens

Made a fresh bed

Laid sleeping First Son down

And never made a sound

As she purged her scourge

With birth-blood and quiet tears

Watching as her fears and love and sacrifice

Lie there in his soft skin and new life

Breathing, dreaming, fresh from God's eye

Mommy's little survivor

Like...her

Mommy called crazy and scorned

'Cuz she two more born

One boy soon after

The girl much later and...

Although they were both sung the same lullabies of hate

Her...First Son, the first one

Whose...womb-world was profaned

Came of age playing street games

With Stewie, Rezzie, and Little Brother

'Till his heart start to wither

In pain and shame

Blamed Mom for the wrong she let Daddy do to her

And him...

Let...sins of the Father cause his Innocence to wander

Found out amongst thieves

Chose to squander his dreams

Stopped believing in himself

Become prodigal with his life

Make impossible shit right with...

Gang-ties, crime, lies

Erase wise, woeful words of Mother

Replaced them with absurdities of others

Who had also lost their way

Played a different kind of street game now

First Son plunged deep

Speak street-family vows

Espouse no causes but his own

See, he couldn't protect Mommy's neck from Daddy's grasp

Or...protect Mommy's ass from Daddy's wrath

Couldn't shield her ears from...

Daddy's foul-mouthed, liquor-breath jeers

His only defense-served be confidence

Brown bottles housed his swift descent

Phones called cops on block frequent for his shenanigans

Now...Daddy and him twins in addiction

Driven to false-hearted heavens and friends

By liquefied demons

Had become what he despised from Conception 'til End

Destined for a demise

Survived nine lives of staying high

Conning, jewelry-pawning, arrests, theft

Womanizing...only for money, never for sex

Bullet in chest, baseball bat to the head

Left for dead

So, eyes wide and glassy

Speech...slowed and slurred

Lips twitched with caked-up codeine candy

And mouth corners one December 24th

Mr. Hide and False Friend

Took final ride to suburban supplier

Shots were fired by the gray man

With shaky hand

But not shaky enough to miss...

Hit...Lost Boy in back

So-called Friend runs for door

Leaves First Son blood-born

Lying alone in blood on cold floor

Death was the cause of...

Returning to Innocence Lost...

Baby 'Sis awake for dawn on Christmas morn

To Mommy's sobs and shakes

Daddy's silhouettes of regret

All past, omitted, and absolved by lost

As they clung to each other

Knowing...