The Hall of Fame of Things I Despise

Hey you sad boys! Hey you sad girls!

Here's the loneliest song in the whole world

Hey you sad girls! Hey you sad boys!

You're staying alone despite your best ploys

'Cause true love's like the Loch Ness monster

And we all know that that thing's phony

It's hearsay and some blurry pictures

And questionable testimony

It hides in caves and darkened caverns

And broken hearts in drunken taverns

Or young girls' smiles on cafe porches,

You cant' find it with teams and torches

Your love was so short and life is so long,

You're trying to figure out what went wrong

'Cause girls avoid you like a leper,

You've got a lonelier heart than Sargent Pepper

And that state can be worse than the bottom,

And make you go mad and feel like adorning

A noose around your neck and hanging from a tree

Like ornaments on Christmas morning

But forget about that, it's back to routine:

The drink, get mad, get sad, drink scene

And lying with you here in your bed

Is like waking up to pistols at my forehead

Hey you sad women! Hey you sad men!

When it seems like the bottle is your best friend

Hey you sad women! Hey you sad men!

Channel that hurt down through a pen

Your room's covered with pictures on the wall

Of your new boys and their leering eyes

And your new place is more like a hall

Of fame for things that I despise

'Cause now we're apart and to you that's just fine,

It's exactly the way you want things to be

But your new place is more of a shrine

To your free life without me

Your apartment's like a hall of fame for things that I despise

And you'll never come back to me, I know no matter what I try

The years will come and years will go and you will eventually know

That waking up without love is like waking up with a pistol in your mouth