The Speed Test

[Mr. Graydon]

Take a letter, to a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax

You will find an invoice in the file for the address

Dear Mr. Hudson, colon

My eyes are fully open to my awful situation

So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation

When the floor wax that we bought from you

Arrived here Monday morning

We discovered upon usage that the fumes

Should have a warning

Since the only possibility

Is that your wax is rancid

I request a full refund of all

The money we advanced

And unless you can convince me

You've improved the floor wax batter

We will take our business elsewhere

So, I hope you solve this matter

How's my speed, Miss Dillmount?

[Millie]

A little slow, perhaps

[Mr. Graydon]

Ah!

Enclosed you'll find a small container

Of the stuff I talk about

Just carefully remove the lid

And take a whiff if you've a doubt

I'm sure you wouldn't want me

To alert the daily papers

With the news of how our office

Was affected by your vapours

Which is why I choose to write to you

A confidential letter

Full of strong recommendation

That you make your floor wax better

I just hope it won't require us

To have our floor relaid and

If it does you may expect a bill

Sincerely, Trevor Graydon

Now, read that back to me please

[Millie]

Certainly, dear Mr. Hudson, colon

My eyes are fully open to my awful situation

So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation

When the floor wax that we bought from you

Arrived here Monday morning

We discovered upon usage that the fume

Should have a warning

Since the only possibility is that teyour wax is rancid

I request a full refund of all the money we advanced

[Mr. Graydon]

Nice!

[Millie]

And unless you can convince me

You've improved the floor wax batter

We will take our business elsewhere

So, I hope you solve this matter

[Mr. Graydon]

Not half bad, continue please

[Millie]

Enclosed you'll find a small container

Of the stuff I talk about

Just carefully remove the lid

And take a whiff if you've a doubt

I'm sure you wouldn't want me

To alert the daily papers

With the news of how our office

Was affected by your vapours

Which is why I choose to write to you

A confidential letter

Full of strong recommendation

That you make your floor wax better

I just hope it won't require us

To have our floor relaid and

If it does you may expect a bill

Sincerely, Trevor Graydon

[Mr. Graydon]

Miss Dillmount, may I speak frankly?

[Millie]

Yes?

[Mr. Graydon]

If I could be so lucky

As to have a good stenographer

To keep this place as up-to-date

As her short skirt and bobbed coiffure

I wouldn't have to worry 'bout

Our soured office planking

And could concentrate on generating

Profits ripe for banking

That is why I'm testing you

With this outrageous correspondence

Which I don't intend to actually mail

To the respondents

So if you can make sense of my unintelligble patter

Then the job is yours and Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter

[Millie]

Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?

Matter, matter, matter, matter

Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?

Matter, matter, matter, matter

[Mr. Graydon]

Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter

Matter, matter, matter, matter

Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter

[Office Women]

Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter

Matter, matter, matter, matter

[Mr. Graydon]

Now, I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat

Man your machine! Go!

[Tap dance break]

Time! Dear Mr. Hudson

[Millie And Office Workers]

Colon

[Mr. Graydon]

My eyes are fully open to my awful situation

So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation

When the floor wax that we bought from you

Arrived here Monday morning

We discovered upon usage that the fume

Should have a warning

Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid

I request a full refund of all the money we advanced

And unless you can convince me

You've improved the floor wax batter

We will take our business elsewhere

So I hope you solve this matter

[Millie And Office Woman]

So I hope you solve this matter

So I hope you solve this matter

So I hope you solve this matter

Matter, matter, matter, matter

[Mr. Graydon]

Going on

Enclosed you'll find a small container

Of the stuff I talk about

Just carefully remove the lid

And take a whiff if you've a doubt

I'm sure you wouldn't want me

To alert the daily papers

With the news of how our office

Was affected by your vapours

Which is why I choose to write to you

A confidential letter

Full of strong recommendation

That you make your floor wax better

I just hope it won't require us

To have our floor relaid and

If it does you may expect a bill

Sincerely, Trevor Graydon

You have made the team Miss Dillmount

[Office Workers]

You have made the team Miss Dillmount

[Millie]

Tell me where my desk is

When we eat lunch

How much I'll be paid, and

Nice to meet you, I know we'll be friends

Just call me Millie Graydon

[Mr. Graydon And Office Workers]

Millie Graydon?

[Millie]

I mean Dillmount

[Mr. Graydon And Office Workers]

Millie Dillmount?

[Millie]

Someday Graydon

[Mr. Graydon And Office Workers]

Graydon? Dillmount? Dillmount?

Graydon? Graydon? Dillmount?

[Millie]

Graydon

[All]

Ah!