Opposite Day

"There's seven different movies at the city multiplex;

Let's both not go to school today and give the brain a rest -

You can't say missing one day could be taken seriously -

You can be sure that no-one will tell either families."

She thought about it for a while, then let go her old school bag;

"O.K," she told him, "I'm with you." Both teachers said: "Let's wag."

That day Constable Harrison was browsing city streets;

He walked along commandingly up and down Swanston Street.

A skateboarding kid flew right down the railings of St Paul's;

"Filthy move," said Con. Harrison, "But, ah oh - duty calls."

He walked right into Brashes and walked out suspiciously.

"Here," he told the skateboarding kid, "just flogged you this C.D."

The kid just pushed his dreadlocks back and looked up in surprise -

All he saw was a drug crazed stare deep in the policeman's eyes:

"I'm disappointed in you, dude," the skater told the cop:

"If we all had your attitude, it would be just great - not.

I'm gonna let you off this once, but just you look out, son.

Next time I'll call the cops, my boy." "Like, I care," said Harrison.

Harrison at the city looked - these were the real clean streets:

Gangs of polite teenagers played rap songs like Help da Police;

The new gardens were growing where the casino once stood,

The trains, they ran bang smack on time, and people thought they would;

Husbands sat in discrete cafes and flirted with their wives;

"I'll give you head," all girlfriends said; "Don't worry," said the guys.

The skater got back on his board, and rode off carefully;

Behind a fence two teachers hid, so that he couldn't see;

"Satan's spawn!" one teacher said, "that was a year nine kid!

The one I caught just yesterday repairing his desk lid."

"He didn't see," the other said, "thank god that we weren't sprung.

I hope I die before I'm him - who'd wanna be that young?"

Somewhere a distant song did play, the number one chart track.

"That's TISM," said one teacher - then: "I hate that mainstream crap.

Give me Billy Joel any day - TISM's just for fathers.

They're so ugly I think they should start wearing balaclavas."

(And so it is that even in a world where hot is cold

It seems that teachers still listen to a turd like Billy Joel.)

Harrison saw them both and said "Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Yeah, that's right cop," both of them said, and Harrison said: "Cool."

"Got any dope?" the policeman said, and then he looked disgusted,

'Cos both teachers admitted "Nope." That's right, folks - they're busted.

"I'm taking a dim view of this." The teachers' faces paled.

(They wouldn've been in trouble with a cop from New South Wales.)

"I'm taking you back home right now - don't dare not call me pig -

And you can explain why you were caught drug free to your kids."

I hope this is a lesson that all of you understand:

Wag school, and the next thing you know, you're in paddie van.

You can imagine, I suppose, the scene in the kitchen -

The teenage sons and daughters weep, the teachers think, "Bitchin' "

What's become of our social state, when it has come to this?

A teenage child just can't control their folks' rebelliousness?

Later that night the youngest child sat reading in her bed

("Don't stay up late" she told her mum) and to her self she said:

"I've heard that once in primary school they had Opposite Day,

Where what you said and what you meant both went two different ways.

"So if you liked someone you said "I think you really suck,"

Then said "On opposite day!" - that meant they were in luck.

But imagine if this happened not just in primary school,

And everywhere and everyone followed this kiddie rule!

Imagine an opposite world, though it is hard to do -

Newspapers for illiterates! Leaders say untruths!

"The best people this world ignores whilst the brats it coddles;

Rockstars are seen as serious - also supermodels;

In this world the actors would be treated as if they're kings,

And ordinary folks would just be like anonymous nothings."

The little girl put down her book, and rest her sleepy head.

"But that world could never exist. Thank you, Satan," she said.