Professor Derrida Deconstructs

I know that the Romans came after the Greeks;

I went to a lecture to hear Robert Hughes speak -

I am honoured, cultured, literate - and yet

All of my life I've had one main regret.

I wish I'd slept with more girls;

I wish I'd had more sex;

I wish my wife had'a sucked my dick.

They told me the yobbos would turn out no good -

I did my homework, they turned into hoods -

I have a family. I am happy and proud.

I said no to anything I wasn't allowed.

I wish I'd done more drugs;

I wish I'd snorted coke;

I wish I had taken the risk.

The Angel of Death hovers overhead.

My family, come, gather 'round the bed;

Come my colleagues, come literate friends.

Here is my last wish, as my life ends.

I wish you'd written my books;

I wish you'd married my wife;

I wish you owned my home;

I wish my thoughts were yours;

I wish my life weren't mine;

I wish you'd never known me at all;

I wish you'd take my place;

I wish it were you lying here;

I wish you'd all get fucked.