We Are The Champignons

I've been crucified by all the scribes -

You can't see my back for all the knives;

The commentators have done all they could:

And fair enough - I'm just no good.

I try my best, there's no excuse;

You come to realise that it's just no use.

It's about time everyone understood

The simple fact - I'm just no good.

This latest effort is pretty drab;

Try Harem Scarum, they're always fab.

Turn off the radio, I know I would:

Let's just face it - I'm just no good.

It's about time a rock star spoke,

Admitted that his talent was a joke -

I'll be the first in the neighbourhood

To say without a doubt I'm just no good.

Possibly we could get Sting

Admitting to his pissant thing -

When Dunsinane gets to Birnham Wood,

That's when he'll admit he's no good.

Then Bono could take a stand,

But this time against his band -

Morality is his daily food,

Why don't he preach, "I'm no good?"

Just before we run out of time,

That last verse contained an eye rhyme;

Now I feel that I should

Point out that it wasn't good.

The singer has mucked up this song;

The guitarist has got it wrong;

The bassist, in all likelihood

Is like the drummer - just no good.