Balloons

I miss the days when no one even knew my name

Now everywhere I go, I wear a hat to hide my face

I got weapons hidden inside every room in my place

Now I have to keep a pistol on me always just in case

This is a nightmare, never expected the fame

To be something I would wrestle with and fight to embrace

Sometimes I feel like the love I get's outweighed by the hate

I hid the tears, but I can't hide from the pain

I'm workin' 20-hour days, can't even lie to y'all, I'm burnt out

I sleep on my weight bench, tryna find the strength to work out

Should be happy I'm successful, I just went and bought my first house

Thought money would help, cure my depression, but it's worse, how?

Tired of it, lucky I don't have a manager 'cause I'd be firin' him

Tired of talkin' to other artists who just wanna tell me I'm inspirin' 'em

Parents keep tellin' me they have a kid and they're thankful the child is admirin' me

Great, you wanna know how I feel? I might kill myself before retiring

I'm in the clouds

I can't reach the ground

They're comin' in crowds

Blew me up like a balloon and let me

Go, watch me float away, well, I scream: No

Every time I get close, they pull out their phones

Like "Maybe this time we can see him explode"

Blew me up like a balloon and let me go

They all throwin' rocks 'cause they're tryna poke holes

They wanna see me pop, they don't wanna see me blow

They're the reason that I'm gone, they don't wanna see me blow

Blew me up like a balloon and left me

I miss the times when I could go outside

I didn't have to watch my back outta the corner of my eye

I didn't have to fake a smile and pose for pictures all the time

Can't even lie, I miss when time was really mine

Now I just belong to everybody else but me

These panic attacks are makin' it awful hard to breathe

Built a vocal booth inside the crib and stopped makin' beats

Don't even rap, I stand inside of it and scream

Like this is not what I expected, I worked my hands to the bone

And my anxiety is triggered by the apps on my phone

I tried deleting them, so the Internet would leave me alone

But the lack of attention made me feel worse than before

I'm sick of it all

The Internet watchin' me trip when I fall

Embarrassed that everyone witnesses all

My illness isn't real tired, man, I'm addicted to y'all

Rappers on Twitter don't get me at all

They're posing for photos with fans in the mall

I'm dying inside, pretending I'm strong

I'm not a celebrity, I am just Tom

I'm in the clouds

I can't reach the ground (huh)

They're comin' in crowds (fuck, I'm so scared)

Blew me up like a balloon and let me (I can't face it anymore)

Go, watch me float away, well, I scream: No

Every time I get close, they pull out their phones

Like: Maybe this time we can see him explode

Blew me up like a balloon and let me go

They all throwin' rocks 'cause they're tryna poke holes

They wanna see me pop, they don't wanna see me blow

They're the reason that I'm gone, they don't wanna see me blow

Blew me up like a balloon and left me

I miss the years when every Friday wasn't spent with my therapist

Then I realized I hated fame and accept that I'm scared of it

I got Ativan, Cipralex, Xanax and Seraquel

In a Tupperware container, I don't touch, I just stare at 'em

Breathin' exercises supposed to help me to cope

But nothin' works quite as good as a bottle of Jack and a smoke

I try to focus on my breath, but it gets stuck in my throat

This never happened back when I was young and happy and broke

I never thought I'd be the rapper all these rappers tried to be

Posting twenty times a day, now I don't have no privacy

Meeting with these major labels, CEOs with giant teams

If y'all wanna do business, why are y'all tryna lie to me?

I'm bored of the fame

Every time it feels fresh again I'm gettin' more of the same

Interviewers think they know who I am

They made up their mind before I explain

Well, because you asked so nice, I guess I'll tell

Ain't been feelin' too hot lately, Jim, is there anything else? Great

'Cause lately every day I feel like I'm livin' in hell

I'm glad the music helps you, but I might really kill myself

When this magazine gets printed, can you send one to my house?

I'd like to own a tiny piece of me like everybody else

Go, watch me float away, well, I scream: No

Every time I get close, they pull out their phones

Like: Maybe this time we can see him explode

Blew me up like a balloon and let me go

They all throwin' rocks 'cause they're tryna poke holes

They wanna see me pop, they don't wanna see me blow

They're the reason that I'm gone, they don't wanna see me blow

Blew me up like a balloon and left me