Song For The Painfully Indie

There's a girl there on the dancefloor

And I don't know how to greet her

Now heterosexuality's

Not my defining feature

They said skinny jeans and cardigans

Were the only way to go

But it seems that Oxfam employees

Are not the ones who know just how it works

Give me a minute

While I fiddle with my hair

Cause you keep telling me that it looks fine

But I'm the one who cares

About a good impression being made

Cause I'm the one who might get laid

Don't tell me how the game is played

Don't tell me how the game is played

And I don't want to talk to her and take her hand

In case she tells me her favourite band is not my favourite band

How would I know which drink she'd want me to buy

When do I look her in the eye

When did the indie music scene become so over-fussed

With social inadequacy being such a must

Don't knock me to the ground

If I'm already falling

It'll only make things worse you know

I always knew my calling was the stage

This evening's filling me with rage

I only wish I had some sage advice to give me

The indie handbook volume three would read

Show girls you fancy them

By getting with their boyfriends

Replace your party loving mates

With awkward, greasy, coy friends

Who like listening to Sonic Youth

You always must appear aloof

Remember no amount of faking

Will make your indie band groundbreaking

Don't think you're special or much less of a disgrace

Just because you've got yourself a lady who plays bass

Don't bother finding somebody to play descant recorder

Yeah that won't put you back in working order

You haven't got a different sound

You aren't part of the underground

You haven't been together long

So try to write some bloody decent songs

The girl's outside now

Talking to a taxi driver

If she were coming home with me

It'd only cost a fiver to my door

I'd talk to her but I am sure

She must've heard it all before from guys

Oh I could cry

That's probably the reason why

She's dressed just like a lesbian

I hear it's quite a craze

You can hardly move in pubs

For all the lesbians these days

But it hardly matters if she's gay

It's time to move on anyway

I'll see you guys here half past ten

Tomorrow evening, do it all again