The Exchange

My mother lost her mother twice

Once in ’54, then later in life

The exchange was quick and quiet

The records sealed, the names made private

Her search began and ended with a judge

Her papers had been claimed in a freak basement flood

An entire family tree

An eternal privacy

Underwater

Underwater

I am afraid to see my heroes age

I am afraid of disintegration

If you’re not here, I cannot be here for you

If you’re not here, I cannot be alone

Mother, father

I’m underwater

And I don’t think you can pull me out of this

There’s virgin oil painted over my door

And hotel soap from every city

Lined up in my window

Blew my per diem on an eighth of Blue Dream

So I can breathe but I still can’t breathe

Around my mouth, brown paper bag

Founding fathers on my back

I’m no martyr

I’m no martyr

I’m just

Afraid to see my heroes age

I am afraid of disintegration

If you’re not here, I cannot be here for you

If you’re not here, I cannot be alone

Mother, father

I’m underwater

Underwater

Underwater

I’ve so much that I want to sing

But there’s no room for toothbrushes and poetry, I

Pray to Jesus Christ incessantly, I

Shine my shoes for the Fat Lady, I’m still

Underwater

I’m underwater

Underwater

Underwater

I am afraid to see my heroes age

I am afraid of disintegration

If you’re not here, I cannot be here for you

If you’re not here, I cannot be alone

Mother, father

I’m underwater

And I don’t think you can pull me out of this

I will no longer claim to know

Where we go when it’s time to go

But when you go, will I go too?

When you go, I am going too

I’m underwater

I’m underwater

Mother, father

I’m underwater

I’m underwater

I’m underwater

Mother, father

I’m underwater