Billy, Boney and Ma

Well, Billy went down to the battleground

to find a little trinket he could call his own

didn't see nothin' lying around

he decided he'd dig awhile

well he dug her up and he dug her down

'fore too long he found some bones

poor little Billy couldn't make a sound

when the bones sat up and smiled

Oh Billy you seem like a fine young man

no reason to be a tremblin' soul

come over here and shake my hand

make my proud acquaintance

Well Billy he was stunned he could hardly stand

whether he could move he didn't know

but he knew he had to formulate some kinda plan

or try the boneman's patience

The first thing he wanted to do was breathe

so he gulped in some of that battleground air

next thing he wanted to do was leave

but Billy wasn't raised up rude

Well the boneman grunted and he gave a heave

all of a sudden he was loomin' there

shakin off dirt and actin pleased

things didn't look too good

Well Billy decided what the hell

you don't meet a boneman every day

A little bit skinny but you never can tell

he might be a pretty good guy

Well they started off with the old soft sell

'fore too long they were jawin' away

by the time the darkness fell

they were seein' socket to eye

They decided right then on a life of crime

with the boneman's looks and Billy's brains

they could scare old Scrooge out of his last dime

Might as well have a go

Billy he would picked the place and time

from the corner store to the railroad train

Boney'd flash him a smile sublime

and Billy he'd grab the dough

They decided they might as well start right then

Time's awastin' so they say

they headed for the park

where the lights are dim

and only the foolish tread

he was whistlin' a tune

when they spotted him strollin' along

so plump and gay

Boney gave him a great big grin

and Billy snagged his bread

Next come a lady of the night

Boney saddled up and said hello

gave the poor thing such a terrible fright

she fainted dead away

Billy lifted her purse and her earrings bright

diamond rings and watch you know

couldn't figure out try as they might

why they'd ever worked a single day

Billy's plans ended up in ruin you know

they were workin' a quaint little neighborhood

spied an old lady about eighty or so

almost looked too easy

Boney put on a pretty good show

the little ol' lady didn't see too good

My kind Sir your all bones you know

you need something hot and greasy

Grabbed ol' Boney drug him inside

Billy peeked in through the window sill

she fed him boiled and baked and fried

Ol' Boney he's chewin like crazy

he gobbled up everything he tried

pounds added on like you know they will

Billy laid down in the dirt and cried

watchin Boney Gettin fat and lazy

Well Billy's back workin his job by day

sleep'n nights it ain't so bad

never liked stealin anyway

kinda gives a guy the willies

Boney and Ma got a new cafe

best baked beans you ever had

Ma's expecting any day

and they say they're gonna name him Billy