Addicted

I swear to God they'll probably never understand me

Sick of just walking around, pretending I'm happy

Feel like collapsing from all weight that I carry

But I just keep it pushing and pop me another Xanny

Know it's sad but I remember as a kid it was rough

Always thought we had it all, what I was missing was love

And always drowning in some waters that were thicker than blood

Still they wonder how the fuck I got addicted to drugs, damn

But they don't get that I'm avoiding feeling pain

Only time I feel alive is when there's poison in my veins

Momma telling me to look at what I'm doing to myself

But I just wanna be fucking happy like everybody else

They looking down on me like I'm the fucking villain

I don't wanna talk about it, I know they don't wanna listen

I was only tryna make up for the feeling I was missing

If I'm only feeling pain, tell me, what's the point of living

Every day I'm waking up and tryna deal with the stress

And I've been acting like I'm happy when my life is a mess

And all I know is that I got this fucking pain in my chest

And I would love to get clean but I'm too fucking depressed, damn

Momma's panicking and losing her faith

Came to tell me 'bout a rehab in a beautiful place

She said, just checking up if you was awake

She broke down when she seen her son blue in the face and thought

No one ever told me it would be this hard

Never really thought that it would take my life, no

I just want the pain to fucking go away, eh, eh, eh-eh

Once upon a time we were the happiest couple

Knew we always had each other, never had any trouble

Always had each other's backs if we happened to struggle

I left some people in the past and they were mad that I loved you

Said it's only puppy love, I knew that wasn't the case

I remember getting nervous when I brought you on dates

Conversations 'bout the future and copping our own place

Talking 'bout the day you'd be sharing my last name

I think I'd loved since the time that we met

You had my heart and to be honest you was taking my breath

All my homies said that I became a little obsessed

Never thought that you would get up and leave me fucking depressed, damn

How could you leave me girl, I thought you were the one

Treated you like a queen, never lied to you once

Now I feel like I'm drowning and there's water filling me lungs

I don't wanna be alone, I'm afraid of who I've become

You're gone and I fucking hate it, I feel like I'm suffocating

You ripped my fucking heart out and never tried to replace it

Now when I think about you all I feel is disgust

You were all I ever wanted, thanks for fucking it up

Everybody that's around me know that something is wrong

They always try to tell me love is the strongest drug of 'em all

You know what, huh, I'ma go and see for myself

Let me pop a couple Xannys, I'ma see if it helps

Oh my God, I think I finally feel alive again

Oh my God, I think I'm finally 'bout to smile again

And I just started sleeping better at night

I think I finally found the feeling of what heaven is like

They're getting rid of all my stress when I'm torn

And I could tell that they're relieving all my pressure for sure

Soon my dealer told me that he couldn't get me anymore

Now I'm feeling way sicker than I ever did before

Shit, I can't even take a brief intermission

Without me throwing up and feeling like a piece of me's missing

There was a time I needed love, now I need a perscription

I'm done with living like this, I'd rather lethal injection

'Cause all I think about is pills when I open my eyes

And every day I'm waking up and feeling broken inside

When all I really wanted was to feel happy for once

But now I'm losing myself and losing my family's trust, damn

I really think these drugs have taken my soul

Probably pop 'em till they put me in the grave and I'm cold

But I can't point any fingers, I know the blame is my own

I got addicted to a bitch and that's the fate that I chose

No one ever told me it would be this hard

Never really thought that it would take my life, no

I just want the pain to fucking go away, eh, eh, eh-eh

No one ever told me it would be this hard

Never really thought that it would take my life, no

I just want the pain to fucking go away, eh, eh, eh-eh