The Straight Razor Cabaret

In a café

On the Champs-Élysées

I saw a girl the other day

I was beguiled

Till I saw her smile

It was a gash across her face

Not long ago, she found that she was alone

So she wandered into the vaudeville show

She should've known it'd be bad

She saw the name that it had

The straight razor cabaret

The first act was a stripper

And the host looked like Jack the Ripper

But the audience was dreary

So she slashed them smiles from ear to eerie

Used a straight razor

'Cause he's a face-raper

And there's nothing he hates more

Than a stick in the mud

And if he tells a joke

You better laugh till you choke

At the straight razor cabaret

I went down to Camden town

I saw a man riding the bible

I won't in haste describe his face

For I might be sued for libel

Not long ago, he found that he was alone

So he wandered into the vaudeville show

He should've known he'd be maimed

When he discovered the name

The straight razor cabaret

While a strumpet rode a donkey

The host juggled five dead monkies

But the audience was snobs

So he took a knife right to their gobs

Used a straight razor

'Cause he's a face-raper

And there's nothing he hates more

Than a stick in the mud

And if he does a trick

You better laugh until you're sick

At the straight razor cabaret

He used a straight razor

'Cause he's a face-raper

And there's nothing he hates more

Than a stick in the mud

And if he does a trick

You better laugh until you're sick

At the straight razor cabaret

At the straight razor cabaret

At the straight razor cabaret