The Nature Of Empirical Truth

I've got friends

I've got friends, yeah

I've got friends who can touch their toes

Green grasshoppers have red assholes

And pricks like to look down their nose

Jimmy Hoffa didn't just disappear

You never drink liquor after you drink beer

Midgets have nothing to fear

If your standards are low getting laid ain't hard

You won't find tacos or cats on Mars

And lemon's the worst Rancher by far

I know burgers are good with fries and bats are as they should be

Leathery wings that ride the air like Rock Hudson rode Fred Astaire

Dogs are smart but not like pigs

Old folks can taste sweet as figs

Secrets of this pretty world that we can't know are like a pearl

They begin as small as sand and also they are found in clams

Velcro's better than lace up shoes

It's better than a zipper on a jacket too

There's nothing that Velcro can't do

Ten blondes don't equal one hot brunette

If you gotta go fast you better take a jet

Birds make the worst kind of pets

I know burgers are good with fries and bats are as they should be

Leathery wings that ride the air like Rock Hudson rode Fred Astaire

Dogs are smart but not like pigs

Old folks can taste sweet as figs