Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me

You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows

Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool

And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that

Even Ezekiel things that my mind is gone

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thein

Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We've been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

I've churned butter once or twice

Living in an Amish paradise

It's hard work and sacrifice

Living in an Amish paradise

We sell quilts at discount price

Living in an Amish Paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week,

I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek.

I really don't care, in fact I wish him well,

'Cause I'll be laughing my head off

When he's burning in hell.

And I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it

An Amish with a tool, you know that's unheard of

I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat

And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool!

If you come to visit you'll be bored to tears

We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years

But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,

We're just technologically impaired!

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar,

Not a single luxury.

Like Robinson Crusoe, it's as primitive as can be.

We've been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish Paradise

We're just plain and simple guys

Living in an Amish paradise

There's no time for sin and vice

Living in an Amish Paradise.

We don't fight we all play nice

Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitching up the buggy

Churning lots of butter

Raised a barn on Monday,

Soon I'll raise another

Think you're really righteous,

Think you're pure in heart,

Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art

I'm the pious guy that little olmletes wannna be like on meknee

Day and night, scoring points for the after-life!

So don't be vain, and don't be whiney,

Or else my brother I might have to get midevil on your hiney!

We've been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish Paradise

We're all crazy mennonites

Living in an Amish Paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights

Living in an Amish Paradise

But you'd probably think it bites

Living in an Amish Paradise

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Yeck!