Page type: lyric reference
Artist: "Weird Al" Yankovic
Canonical path: /weird-al-yankovic/close-but-no-cigar
Related lyric paths: 6
Video embedded: yes
Lyric guide
Close But No Cigar
Read Close But No Cigar lyrics by "Weird Al" Yankovic on LyroVerse, with linked artist context and related song paths.
person
Curated by Ethan Walker
LyroVerse team
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Lyrics
Close But No Cigar
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Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my dna
And after that I never was the same
And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word infer
When she obviously meant imply
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why
And I told her, I said
Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (close!)
But no cigar!
Then I met sweet young janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
And I was crazy like manson about her
She got me all choked up like mama cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on dvd
Oh, no! I said
Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (close!)
Oh, so very close! (close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (close!)
So close!
But no cigar!
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(All right!)
Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a buddy rif solo
And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist
Yeah, she was so pretty she made charlize theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big
I said
Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (close!)
So very, very close! (close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (close!)
So close!
But no cigar!
Missed it by that much! (no cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (no cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (no cigar!)
But no cigar!
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Who performs "Close But No Cigar"?
"Weird Al" Yankovic performs "Close But No Cigar", and this lyric page sits inside the "Weird Al" Yankovic catalog on LyroVerse.
Are there related songs to explore after "Close But No Cigar"?
Yes. The related section below points to Alimony and Foil with a short reason for opening each page next.
Where can I find more songs by "Weird Al" Yankovic?
Use the artist link near the top of the page or the related paths section below to keep moving through "Weird Al" Yankovic's lyric pages.
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