Everything You Know Is Wrong

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane

with a rapid wolverine in my underwear

when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat

popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

i guessed is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Luis

is it Bob or Joe or Walter

Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Berny or Steve

I probably would of kept on guessing

but about that time we crashed into the truck

and as im laying bleeding there on the asphalt

finally I recognized the face of my Hibachie dealer

who takes off his prostetic lips and tells me

(chorus) Everything you know is wrong

black is white up is down and short is long

and everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong

just forget the words and sing along

all you need to understand is everything you know is wrong

I was walking to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams

when i accidentally stepped into an alternative dimension

and soon I was abducted by some aliens from space

who kinda looked like Jamie Barr

they sucked out my internal organs and took some polaroids

and said I was a darn good sport and as a way of saying thankyou

they offered to transport me back to any point in history

that i would care to go

and so i had them send me back to last thursday night

so i could pay my phone bill on time

just then a floating disembodied head of Colonal Sanders startedyelling

chorus

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin

when i got a nasty paper cut

and well to make a long story short it got infected and i died

so now im up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates

and its obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket im wearing

he tells me that they got a dress code

well he lets me into heaven anyway

but i get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity

and everyday he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong

black is white up is down and short is long

and everything you used to think was so important doesn't reallymatter anymore

because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong just forget the words and sing along

All you need to understand is everything you know is wrong

(everything you know is wrong) Everything you know is wrong