Gee, Officer Krupke!

ACTION

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke

You gotta understand

It's just our bringin' up-ke

That gets us out of hand

Our mothers all are junkies

Our fathers all are drunks

Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks!

ACTION AND JETS

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset

We never had the love that ev'ry child oughta get

We ain't no delinquents

We're misunderstood

Deep down inside us there is good!

ACTION

There is good!

ALL

There is good, there is good

There is untapped good!

Like inside, the worst of us is good!

SNOWBOY: (Spoken) That's a touchin' good story

ACTION: (Spoken) Lemme tell it to the world!

SNOWBOY: Just tell it to the judge

ACTION

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor

My parents treat me rough

With all their marijuana

They won't give me a puff

They didn't wanna have me

But somehow I was had

Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm so bad!

DIESEL: (As Judge) Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square

This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed

He's psychologic'ly disturbed!

ACTION

I'm disturbed!

JETS

We're disturbed, we're disturbed

We're the most disturbed

Like we're psychologic'ly disturbed

DIESEL: (Spoken, as Judge) In the opinion on this court

This child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home

ACTION: (Spoken) Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived

DIESEL: So take him to a headshrinker

ACTION (Sings)

My father is a bastard

My ma's an S.O.B.

My grandpa's always plastered

My grandma pushes tea

My sister wears a mustache

My brother wears a dress

Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

A-RAB: (As Psychiatrist) Yes!

Officer Krupke, you're really a slob

This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job

Society's played him a terrible trick

And sociologic'ly he's sick!

ACTION

I am sick!

ALL

We are sick, we are sick

We are sick, sick, sick

Like we're sociologically sick!

A-RAB: In my opinion, this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all

Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease!

ACTION: Hey, I got a social disease!

A-RAB: So take him to a social worker!

ACTION

Dear kindly social worker

They say go earn a buck

Like be a soda jerker

Which means like be a schumck

It's not I'm anti-social

I'm only anti-work

Gloryosky! That's why I'm a jerk!

BABY JOHN: (As Female Social Worker)

Eek!

Officer Krupke, you've done it again

This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen

It ain't just a question of misunderstood

Deep down inside him, he's no good!

ACTION

I'm no good!

ALL

We're no good, we're no good!

We're no earthly good

Like the best of us is no damn good!

DIESEL (As Judge)

The trouble is he's crazy

A-RAB (As Psychiatrist)

The trouble is he drinks

BABY JOHN (As Female Social Worker)

The trouble is he's lazy

DIESEL

The trouble is he stinks

A-RAB

The trouble is he's growing

BABY JOHN

The trouble is he's grown

ALL

Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke

We're down on our knees

'Cause no one wants a fellow with a social disease

Gee, Officer Krupke

What are we to do?

Gee, Officer Krupke

Krup you!