I Hope You'll Like It Here

Parlour Games

(Limmeridge House. The morning room-light and summery.

Marian Halcombe is there. She is in her 30's-dark,vivacious,

and attractive although not conventionally pretty.

Hartright enters,tired after the night's exertions. Marian shakes his hand)

HARTRIGHT:You must be Miss Halcombe-I'm so sorry-

MARIAN:(interrupting him)

Thank god you have arrived

you're fated to become

my drawing teacher

you poor poor creature

Our village is as dull

as it may first appear

a city mouse in Limm'ridge House

I hope you'll like it here

You're less than half the age

that we thought you might be

you'll feed our hunger

for someone younger

so please unpack your bags

and please be of good cheer

I'm sure you'll like where you reside

but with respect I must confide,

I can't abide the Countryside

I hope you'll like it here

You shall be the drawing master

to my sister and to me

though she learns a little faster

a disaster I will be

We're the product of one mother

but we come from diff'rent fathers

I think mine,for design,

was completely talent free

Very soon you'll meet my sister

well,she's tech'nic'ly my half

but she's my whole world-my sister

is the wheat and I'm the chaff

She's kind and generous and fun

much younger, and the pretty one!

My father was quite poor

her father's wealth was vast

so she'll inherit and gladly share it

We're close as two can get

Between us not one tear

perpetually in harmony

I hope you'll like it here

Pretty soon you'll meet my uncle

whose prognosis is quite grim

he will tell you that his chances

of recovery are slim

With his bed pan and his hanky

he is terminally cranky

though no doctor around

found a thing that's wrong with him

But how I do go on

I try to keep it short

then lose the battle and simply prattle

but getting to the point

my welcome is sincere

We're thrilled that's indisputable

I hope your rooms are suitable

your sentence is commutable

I hope you'll like it here

A Servant Arrives and Escorts Hartright to Mr Fairlie's Dark Study

(Mr Fairlie sits beside a portrait of hsi brother-Philip Fairlie.

Mr Fairlie is in his fifties but looks older,he is frail,morose,pale,crabby,wheelchair-bound)

SERVANT:Mr Walter Hartright

HARTRIGHT:Mr Fairlie!

(Mr Fairlie looks Hartright up and down)

MR FAIRLIE:You're than I thought

the young are mostly fools

The good time ceases when with my nieces

just go about your task

and try to disappear

(to the servant)

Don't lurk about you oafish lout

(to Hartright)I trust you'll like it here

(He gestures to the portrait)

That's a portrait of my brother...

Was the picture of good health...

now he's dead and I am dying...

while I'm living...on his wealth

Up until he left for Hades

he was catnip to the ladies....

but at least the deceased had a modicum of stealth

Well enough about my fam'ly

(to servant)Would you please adjust my chair?

(to Hartright)I should send you back to ripen

like a proper camembert

Thought I should find some other chap

I'd much prefer to take a nap

(to servant who reappears)

I told you to get out!

I simply can't go on

my nerves are fraying...

what was I saying?

Oh,mostly I desire

a quiet atmosphere

as silent as a sepulchre

no utterance above a purr

just nod your head

if you concur

I trust you'll like it here.