Epileptic Techno

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Chilaxin’ out with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

They want to check this new joint, Club Convulsion

We put our ass in motion

All my stupid friends rolled up and the D.J. looked like Superman, if he were homeless

And standing by the bar, douchebag was hitting on a tranny

Oh wait that’s Hillary Clinton there with Dick Cheney, who was killin’ a kitten

I saw Shaq, Jack Black and J-Lo

I even saw that one guy from that one show

I saw alcoholic Jews and fat truckers

And Oprah was there like: “I’m Oprah, Fucker!”

And everything was good until the second

Homeless Superman put on this record

I stood there with my friends and the Olsen Twins

As he spins everybody had convulsions.

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure.

Move, move, move like you’re having a fit

Shake, shake, shake. This is causing a spasm

Epileptic Techno

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Now I ain’t trying to disrespect epileptics

But the music he played made the place go hectic

The speakers on the deck became disconnected

All the alcoholic Jews were suddenly naked

I felt my muscles expand and contract

I passed out on the dance floor laying on my back

Reality started fading, cutting in and out

I woke up when an Olsen Twin threw up in my mouth

And we were hoping we could leave at our leisure

But the whole fuckin’ theater was havin’ a seizure

Except Oprah, the music didn’t touch her

Still standing hard, “I’m Oprah, fucker!”

I saw the D.J. loadin’ another disc

With most of the party still foaming at the lips

I grabbed my friends and headed for the exit

When Homeless Superman started spinnin’ that next hit

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure

Move, move, move like you’re having a fit

Shake, shake, shake. This is causing a spasm

Epileptic Techno

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We woke up once again from a seizure

I wiped Mary-Kate’s vomit from my T-Shirt

We slid out the back like greased up butter

We saw Oprah there, “I’m Oprah, fucker!”

We made it out alive, booyah!

We all stood around like:

“What are we going to do now?”

We picked a new club. What’d we get?

We somehow rolled up to Club Tourettes?

The music there gave everyone a tick

And every time it played the whole place would twitch,

And shift and switch and bitch and talk shit like:

Ass, barf, barf, ass, bark, piss!

Barf, piss, ass, ass, barf, barf, piss, ass, ass, piss!

We ran away like a jet propulsion

Man, I guess we’ll go back to Club Convulsion

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure.

Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno

Oooh no not having a seizure

Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno

Dance, dance, dance like you’re having a seizure

Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno

Oooh no not having a seizure

Epileptic Techno, Epileptic Techno

“You little bastards, thought you all knew Oprah!”

Don’t make me come over there and fuck you!