All Hail the Brain

Evan:

I have a plan

I have a plan

Possibly, I think I have a plan

It'll take a lot of work, it'll take a lot of luck

But when it all comes through, they'll say

All hail the brain!

He does what no mere mortal can

He's the man, Evan Goldman

All hail the brain!

He did what no one else could do

Saw us through, saved the day

And all I have to do is

Wait till Mom goes to sleep

Then sneak the license from the wallet in her purse

And make a colored Xerox, laminate it

Then put the license back in the wallet in her purse

Then find the dress she wore in the picture on the license that I copied and I laminated

Wear the dress, get a wig, show the license, buy the tickets

What could go wrong?

All:

Brett's gonna do it

Brett's gonna do it

Friday night

Brett's gonna do it

Friday night

At the Bloodmaster

Brett's gonna do the tongue with Kendra

Friday night at the movie in the mall

And the Brain's gonna get us in

Evan:

I have a plan

A better plan

Actually an almost perfect plan

It sounds absolutely nuts, it'll take a lot of guts

But when it all comes through, they'll say

All hail the brain

Give that bar mitzvah boy a hand

Ain't he grand, ain't he great?

And all I have to do is

Go that day to the movie theater

Break into the projection room

See the reel of film for the Bloodmaster

Take it in the hall where they're showing Bambi

Switch the reels, leave the theater

Tell the guys we're gonna go and see Bambi

What could go wrong?

Brett:

Hey, Brain, did you set up my date for Friday?

Evan:

Date?

Brett:

With Kendra?

Evan:

Date? Date! Archie, I have major news!

I have a plan

I have a plan

So you and Kendra can go out on Friday night

Archie:

Ooh!

Evan:

I need your help, though, so stay calm

You need to go talk to my mom

And it'll all come true

Because

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness

Take it from me, it's a sure guarantee of success

Listen, I'm not making fun of your terminal illness

But you hold the secret to getting my mom to say yes

So talk to my mom, and get her to buy the tickets we need to obtain

Brett gets his movie, I get the credit, and you get your date, so who could complain?

Except for you because your dying, but

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness

Who could refuse when you shuffle your shoes and say please?

Use all the tricks that you learned in your cradle

You don't need to lay it on thick with a ladle

Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease!

Archie:

I can do this!

Evan:

I know you can!

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:

Mrs. Goldman, I hate to bother you, but I was strolling through the neighborhood…

Evan:

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:

Which wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't my birthday on Friday, but the insurance…

Evan:

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:

I could always pay you for the tickets if I don't get my medicine next month…

Evan:

La, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:

And you know, I've always felt this connection with the Jewish people…

Evan:

Out of the blue

A thought comes to you

Like sun coming out from the rain

And after the stress

My mother says--

Archie:

Yes!

Evan:

Yes!

Evan & Archie:

We're all set for Friday

So who could complain

Archie:

Except for you because you're Jewish and you always complain

Evan:

It's true--

Evan & Archie:

But no one says no to a boy with a terminal illness

Ask for a day at the mall or a trip to Belize

Nothing's to hard or a quest unendurable

Long as your sure you're completely incurable

Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease

Eric:

All hail the brain

All:

All hail the brain

Eric:

I never thought he'd take the bait

This is great, Evan Goldman

All:

Evan Goldman

All hail the brain

Evan:

I did what no one else could do

Tell me who could complain?

Eric:

All hail the brain

All:

All hail the brain

Evan:

All hail the brain

All:

All hail the brain

All hail the brain!