No Exit

I swear I was in a café when I died;

It's the only explanation that I can abide.

'Cause here you come with a look full of longing,

Sitting down across from me with a chai latte.

And suddenly, I'm tangled in the coma-inducing web of your life.

Here they come: all the Cliffs Notes of your boring play.

Within minutes I feel like I've been here all day.

Yes, here it comes-why you hate your job,

The guy you like and what you did this weekend.

And I realize an hour has passed

And I haven't heard a word you've said.

I know I've died, and I'm paying for some time

When I was unjust, or just unkind.

Why else am I drowning in your endless droning,

Struggling to maintain a smile?

I'm sure you're not altogether bad

But you're still a pain in the ass.

And nothing I could say

Would leave your self-esteem intact.

You're such an awful boor

When you come through the door

I want to run and hide

But our paths always collide.

I swear we are in the café of dismay.

We're stars in the sequel to Sartre's dreary play.

Your mind is like a TV set tuned a dead channel in the night,

Though I prefer the sound of lush white noise

To the broken static of your life.

I must've died, and I'm paying for some time

When I was unjust or just unkind.

Why else am I drowning in your endless droning,

Struggling to maintain a smile?

Then you croon, "Thanks so much for listening,"

As if I had a choice, as if I had a choice.

I'd rather be beaten with a blunt instrument

Than listen to your noise, than listen to your voice.

Keep your iron voice locked away.

And keep your mouth closed long enough for me to say, "Goodbye."