I Hate Mario Kart Wii

I feel so confident right now

As my friends all ask me how they throw an item or utilise the drift

My character of choice is Yoshi

He can be good off-road but mostly I play him cos he's cute, I'll admit

The race starts … and I stalled!

I stalled the car again

I held A down a bit too early

And all my mates are laughing as they drive right past me

And at this point I remember why I hate Mario Kart Wii

And now I'm stuck in 12th place

I'm gonna lose this race; trailing in Donkey Kong's tyre tracks

So I get a power-up

I don't expect too much, but oh my god, Bullet Bill - now I'm back!

In first place in no time

And my mates can't see why Nintendo would make a game that's so unfair

They're feeling pretty angry, but I'm just princess peachy

I'm winning so I don't really care

But someone gets a blue shell!

And I crash

The kart flips over again

Why don't they put a wall there!?

Nothing I could do but watch it roll into the sea

And at this point I remember why I hate Mario Kart Wii

I'm still in the lead

But they're catching up to me

I'll get a power-up and I'll be fine

Another banana skin

Upside-down boxes wearing thin

I think I had more fun when I was behind

This is the only game I've played

Where winning just feels lame

And losing is where all the fun takes place

And there are no red shells for me

All I have is apathy for this never-ending, three-lap funless race

The game ends - AND I'M SECOND!

I lost the race again

How did he get Invincibility!?

Fucking Waluigi stole my victory

And at this point I remember why I hate Mario Kart Wii

Everybody sing!